jealous of my brothers,” I spat out, “because you gave them the best gift of all. They grew up barely knowing you and liking you very little. They are not attached to you like I am. They can live their lives, do as they please, free from the chains of loving two people who are incapable of loving anyone else but themselves. I’m done!”
I flung my hands up in the air and stormed out, bumping into a doctor who scurried into Mother’s room. He called out to me, trying to find out what was wrong, but I ignored him, feeling very young and very desperate all of a sudden.
The drive back home was a blur. I was surprised I made it at all, seeing my unshed tears impaired my vision. I stormed into my mother’s en-suite, opened the cabinets, and started throwing everything into a white trash bag I’d taken from the pantry.
Anything you could get high on was gone. I shoved it all in without rhyme or reason. Sunscreen, Vaseline, bandages, painkillers, and cough medicine alike. When I was satisfied with my findings, and sure there were no other drugs to be found in the house, I proceeded to stomp my way outside, hoisted the full trash bag into the trunk of my Prius, and floored it all the way to Badlands.
I tried not to think about the last time I’d seen Sam.
I told him I never wanted to see him again then went ahead and knocked on his door. Not the most consistent I’d been, but I was worried. When I’d heard from Cillian, Hunter, and Da that Sam was nowhere to be found, I figured he was holed up in his apartment and for good reason. Honestly, I’d been more afraid he’d gotten shot or had a serious wound and was too proud to ask for help.
I’d found him sick and shivering, nursed him back to health, and then gave him the space he needed.
That was three days ago.
He never even said thank you.
Not that I had any reason to expect him to. This was Sam I was talking about, a well-known monster.
While I knew he wouldn’t hand me over to the authorities in a red satin ribbon, I also didn’t trust him with the information of what I was doing with my medical degree. Why did I share with him my story of Ms. B, then?
Because you love him, mon cheri, and when you love someone, you want them to get to know you, so maybe they’ll fall for you, too.
Well, Sam was obviously feeling much better, seeing as he was clubbing with my selfish brothers tonight.
I stopped in front of Badlands, dragged the trash bag out, and rounded the building, toward the back door leading to Sam’s office.
I knew better than to knock. Which was why I took the tweezers out of the trash bag and tampered with the lock. It was a simple lock, and I had the advantage of knowing what I was doing. I’d broken into my brothers’ rooms plenty of times when I was younger. I was bored and alone in the impossibly large, looming Avebury Court Manor.
Sometimes, my only company was other people’s things. Toys and gadgets I had found under their beds. I’d even pretended the women gracing the covers of Penthouse and Playboy—found under Hunter’s bed—were my girlfriends.
The door hissed open with a soft click, and I trampled inside. Sam’s office was dark and empty. I threw the door open and headed downstairs, the music pounding from the club making the floor quake.
I wasn’t interested in the club, though. I headed straight to the card rooms. As soon as I reached the junction of the four card rooms, I peeked into each of them. It wasn’t hard to find my brothers. They were in the last one. It was the noisiest, most boisterous room, filled wall-to-wall with men wearing tuxedos, smoking Cuban cigars and drinking old whiskey, huddled around roulette and craps tables.
Cillian was in the corner of the room, talking animatedly with Devon, while Hunter was next to Sam by the roulette.
The Monster looked brand-new, a cigarette dangling from the corner of his mouth as he barked at his employees, no hint of his previous, sweaty, fever-ridden self in sight.
Swaggering inside, the trash bag flung over my shoulder like I was Santa delivering presents on Christmas Day, I stopped in the center of the room and emptied the content of the trash bag in the middle of