cute when you keep your mouth shut.”
His half smile, the one he wore a lot, came onto his face. “You think I’m cute?”
“No, because you can never keep your mouth shut.”
“Fair enough.”
He was cute, getting cuter by the second, it seemed.
“So does this mean we’re friends now?” he asked.
“Until I see you making a fool of yourself at school again.”
“So until tomorrow, then?”
I nodded. “Exactly.”
We stared out the windshield together toward the lake below.
“I wish I were better at advice,” he said. “I’ve been trying to think of something cool or comforting to say for the last half an hour and all I can come up with are stupid jokes.”
“Jokes? I’m surprised. That doesn’t sound like you.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“I have some advice for you,” I said.
“Oh yeah?”
“Yes. Run away from the mess that I am right now. Nobody needs all this drama in their lives.” I flipped down the visor, looking for a mirror but there wasn’t one.
“Huh. You’re not very good at advice either, it sounds like. But I can’t even come up with bad advice right now.”
I stretched toward the rearview mirror instead and worked at the mascara beneath my eyes. “It’s okay. There’s really nothing to say. I need to get over this weird competition I have with my brother. It’s not like I can confront him. And I should talk to my parents about how I feel. It’s not that I think they don’t love me or anything. I know they do. Maybe they just don’t realize how what they do makes me feel sometimes.”
“Your parents seem really cool. They both couldn’t stop bragging about you. I mean, neither of them mentioned your brother once at the swim meet the other day. That has to count for something.”
I leaned back against the seat. “Did you let them talk?”
He laughed.
“You’re right, my parents are cool. But we all live in the past.”
“So are you going to talk to them?”
“I’m scared.”
“Of what?”
“I’m scared that even if I talk to them about how I feel, they’ll still choose him.”
“You need to talk to them. You have to give them the opportunity to prove you wrong.”
I closed my eyes and smiled. “And you said you were bad at advice.”
His hand closed over mine and he twined our fingers together. “I’m even worse at taking it.”
Twenty-Two
It was two days later and I swore I could still feel the pressure of Jackson’s fingers between mine. He had held my hand in the car that day until I was ready to leave. He’d then driven me home, not once asking if I wanted to go back to school. And that made it seem perfectly acceptable that I didn’t.
When we’d arrived at my place, he gave my brother’s truck a good long stare, very unlike the reaction he’d had the first time he’d seen it. Then he punched my shoulder, like we were pals, and I got out and walked away a little confused as to what now existed between us. I was still confused. That day he’d rescued me I wasn’t myself. I was emotional and vulnerable and wasn’t thinking straight. I shouldn’t have told him half the things I did.
So why did I keep getting this weird sensation in my hand, like I was missing an appendage or something? Like he’d held my hand every day for a year? It had been once. And I hadn’t talked to him since.
I stared at the truck on my lawn now as I waited for Amelia to pick me up for school. It was so unassuming. No one looking at it would think it could be the bane of my existence.
Amelia pulled up and waved. “Hey,” she said. “Why’d you want me to come early?”
“Can we run by this café about ten minutes out of our way?”
“There’s a coffee shop on the way to school if you need a fix. I thought you didn’t drink coffee. It messes with your swimming.”
“I don’t. I’m getting something for someone else.”
“Okay, Ms. Cryptic. Who?”
“Drive, we’ll talk.”
“So I’m confused,” Amelia said after I explained to her what I was doing and why I was doing it. We’d pulled into the parking lot of Norman’s, but she hadn’t let me get out of the car. “Do you like Jackson?”
“No, I’m just grateful he saved me the other day.” I had downplayed just how much, leaving out the tears and the drama.
“Did you end up talking to your parents about the award?”
“No. I shoved it under my bed and am waiting