the Deb family blood. Or, rather, talent wasn’t. After an hour, our clothes were damp with sweat. We mercifully ended our eyesore of a match. Neither of us kept score, but we didn’t need to. We both lost.
“If you’re out of practice, your focus is not right,” Shyamal said as we walked back to my hotel, to which I laughed. He was still beaming with pride. “In a few minutes, I found you getting your grip of it. Initially, the ball was going South Pole and North Pole. As you started playing, you’re getting the grip back. If you practice for one month, you’ll get the full grip back.” (He loved the pole analogy.)
Later that day, we returned to Shyamal’s flat one more time before leaving Kolkata. I didn’t know how he felt, but, for me, the time we spent together there had brought him to life in my story. I was consumed by the question of when—or if—I would see him again after this trip. I knew we would reunite in Delhi in a few days, but leaving his home had a sense of finality for me. He was more than my DNA now. He was my father. But what would Shyamal mean to my kids, if and when I have them? I didn’t want them to be surprised by a picture of their grandparents in our home in the way I was at his brother Siddhartha’s house. I want my children to have something from their grandparents that is theirs. The same goes for Sattik’s two children, who have never met him. I thought it best to let Shyamal decide what he wanted to pass on.
Shyamal walked into the living room and sat on the couch, asking how we were enjoying the scotch he had given us. Nearby, Wesley turned the camera on her phone toward my father.
“I want you to tape a message to your grandchildren. What advice do you have?” I asked Shyamal.
“Ah, yes, unfortunately I won’t see them. A few things here. You and Sattik are original Indian blood. Both parents are Indians. The next generation are mixed. It’s very natural,” he said. “They will look different. They will think different. But the combination of two genes will make them smarter. Yes! Science believes that.”
I laughed. I wasn’t looking for advice on genetic engineering.
“They may or may not experience some problems as they grow up with their peers. It’s your responsibility as parents to explain to them what is their background,” he continued. “For example, they must know the rich culture and heritage of India. One of the oldest cultures of the world. It is your responsibility to teach them.”
Perhaps he didn’t understand what I wanted him to do. “I meant, what is your advice to the kids?” I pressed.
“They must have that knowledge of both sides,” Shyamal said. He was referring to both Indian and American culture. His big worry was that the next generation of the Deb bloodline wouldn’t know anything about where they came from because they would likely be brought up in the United States.
“They should learn it positively, not be forced to learn it. They have every reason to be proud of the Indian heritage, which is more than four thousand years old. That is my only advice. They should not forget their Indian heritage,” he went on.
His advice, on its face, wasn’t about how to live life or how to treat people. It was about academics. It was about culture. I was a bit frustrated that this was all he wanted to say. Our disparate understandings of the question, though, were emblematic of the rift that had always been between us. It wasn’t malicious on his part or mine, but neither of us could understand how the other sees family and love.
The conversation moved slowly in a more helpful direction.
“You, for example, were excited to find out where I spent my student days,” Shyamal said. “This was not true ten years back.”
He was correct. Ten years ago, I would not have cared.
“But something came from inside,” Shyamal said.
“What about how they should act? How they should behave?” I asked. I was trying again. I wanted him to say something about kindness, respect, that kind of stuff.
“That’s the only thing I can tell them,” Shyamal said.
“What do you want them to know about you?” Wesley offered.
“Me? Simple man. Came to United States with eight dollars in his pocket. Self-made man. Determination. Never broke down. Went through a lot of struggle.