piece of a dire puzzle.
But I didn't want to admit that.
I struggled for a moment, arguing with myself. There were a great many demons to be tackled in my opinion of him. If I admitted he was right, I would be inviting him back into the place I had been protecting by shunning him. He would hurt the people that I loved. He could not live in harmony with them. He would be a thorn to the peace, maybe worse.
But I recalled Letta's patience with him, and a dangerous thought occurred to me; what if we could change him? Suddenly I wanted him to see – see that they were no different, that they were as beautiful as him – and he was quite beautiful – and he as wretched as they. That they felt and loved and fought and...died. That they faced tragedy, and it hurt just as much as whatever he had been through. And one person's pain was as good as another. Exactly the same. No difference. No color. Just its raw, transcendent qualities that everyone could relate to.
He would taste my authority if he stayed. He would learn his place among them. I could make the rules. I could break him.
With that candleflame of my own ruse lit, I came to a decision. “What else can you make?” I asked, and a twinge of a smile lit his face – as if in triumph, but he didn't know what he was in for.
E l e v e n –
Spidery Demons
I didn't feel like myself as I stood before Manor Dorn with Tanen at my side. I'd brought him back.
Curse me.
“Are we to go in?” he prompted after stewing silently about beside me, when giving me a moment to process doorway protocol didn't do the trick.
There was nothing else I could do to prolong this stalling act. I had held his instatement at bay as long as I could over the course of our journey back, but now there was nothing left standing between us and that frightful position I had laid out for him. My betrayal stood at the precipice of being put into motion. All I need do was kick it off the cliff.
I wished I could kick it off the cliff altogether.
But it was time to admit to myself what I had done.
Perhaps I shouldn't have been so quick to lay out the rules and conditions of his stay as we made our way back from the city, so I would have that to do now, before admitting him. But I had been unable to keep from drilling them into him as we commenced together, lest he get the idea that I was entirely too impressionable, too easy. I was not some gullible mot he could take for a ride. He would not be taking advantage of my hospitality, certainly. I had assigned a grueling number of tasks to his responsibility, to make sure he understood he would bloody well be earning his keep. To his credit, he had accepted them without any protest.
And now we were here, with nothing more I could hold against him. I had half hoped he would put up some spoiled fuss regarding everything I charged him with taking over, so I could toss him back out on a failure to qualify for a position in our house. But he hadn't given me anything else to latch onto.
Sucking in a steadying breath, I reached for the door and cast it open.
The hinges creaked inward, baring the homey shadows of the interior. I could scarcely bring myself to step over my own threshold, and face those who would pay the price of my actions, even though I knew they would be nothing but welcoming.
Curse them too. Tanen did not deserve their indulgence.
But the weight of the corset was symbolic under my arm, pressing into me with the promise of advantage. He would equip us with what he promised, I swore. He would make this worth it. And if he didn't, I would revert right back to the primitive savage I knew how to become in the face of desperation, and he would taste the wrath of the Albino way he thought he knew how to channel. He may have charmed me with the armor I carried under my arm, but by no means had he harnessed me with it.
I would strip it off and eat him alive.
*
That night, I slipped while chopping vegetables for the stew pot. A hiss sizzled