Million Dollar Christmas Bride - Holly Rayner Page 0,41

My dad disappeared on my mom, leaving her to raise me all alone.

History tends to repeat itself.

Peaches licked Bianca’s face.

Jackson yawned, stretched, and then spoke. “My housekeeper offered to take the two dogs out for a quick walk so we could have breakfast together,” he said. “How about it?”

“I could use a cup of coffee,” Bianca admitted. Her voice quivered slightly, and Jackson eyed her, picking up on her troubled mood.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I—I think so,” she managed to say. She looked back at him, into his deep blue eyes.

“Last night was amazing,” he said, stepping closer. He leaned in to kiss her on the cheek.

She let him but didn’t respond, wrapping the blanket tighter around her. Peaches pressed up against her legs, trying to offer comfort.

“Something’s wrong,” Jackson said. “You’re upset.”

“I’m just worried, I guess,” Bianca said. “I think we need to talk. About last night.”

He nodded.

“I…” Bianca wasn’t sure how to put her emotions into words. She struggled for a moment, but then said, “I’ve just been through this before, you know. I’ve been down this road. I know how it works.”

“What are you talking about?” Jackson asked. He stepped back. Rufus stretched and then plopped down into a sitting position at Jackson’s feet.

“I want to have a healthy relationship for once,” Bianca said. “I’m thirty-four… It’s about time, you know?”

“You’re going to have to fill me in,” Jackson said. “I’m feeling a little bit lost here.” He reached a hand up and swiped the back of it across one eye, clearing sleep away. The sun, rising steadily, crested over the top of a building a few blocks over. Pale sunlight touched the balcony floor.

“That makes two of us,” Bianca said, adjusting her blanket.

“Then let’s try to get our feet on the ground,” Jackson said. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

Bianca’s thoughts raced. Though she knew it was irrational, her mind was filled with memories of hurts from the past. Lingering in the background, forming a foundation to her abandonment issues, was the loss of her father. She sensed his absence deep in her bones.

“I deserve better,” she said quietly, almost to herself.

“Better than what?” Jackson asked.

“Better than this,” Bianca said. “Better than feeling like this. I just… I want something normal. I want to be with a guy who wants to be with me—you know, a healthy, committed relationship. I keep falling for people who treat me like I’m not important. It’s my own fault, I think. I’m the one entering into these relationships.”

She looked out, past Jackson, into the distance. She sensed that she sounded crazy, babbling on about her past and her emotions, but the feelings inside of her had to be expelled. She knew that if she kept them in, they’d only fester and erupt at a later point.

Been there, done that, she thought bitterly.

“Bianca, we spent one night together,” Jackson said. “Everything is okay. Everything is good. Nothing has changed between us. You don’t have to worry.”

She turned her focus to him. She felt her brows tent up and her jaw tense. “But that’s exactly the point, Jackson. I want things to change. I want intimacy to mean something. I always enter into these messed-up relationships, and they never go anywhere. I’m not saying it’s your fault… it’s my fault for staying over here last night without saying any of this to you first. That’s always how it goes with me. I act first and then my actions catch up to me. That’s how I get myself into these situations, time and time again.”

Jackson looked back at her with a steady gaze. His eyes softened, as if he was beginning to understand where she was coming from.

Feeling encouraged by this, Bianca continued. “I should have told you how I feel, Jackson. That was my fault,” she said softly, still searching his eyes for signs of what he was thinking. “I think I’m falling for you. And if you don’t feel the same, I better know about it. Because last night meant a lot to me. I want it to change things between us—for the better, maybe.”

He continued to look back at her, but he didn’t speak.

Bianca felt her heartbeat speed up. This is when he’ll say he’s falling in love with me, too, she thought. This is when he’ll say that going forward, it’ll be me and him. Committed. Faithful.

She waited.

He didn’t speak. One corner of his mouth tugged downward, just slightly. He reached a hand up, scratched the back of his head.

Bianca