on the days you wish you had chosen differently?” We exchange a look when she hears the slight crack in my question.
“Well,” she says, soaking in the view before turning back to me, “I embrace those days because it’s all a cycle, and in the end, I know the other days are coming. You know, love grows right alongside resentment and neither are more powerful than the other. We’re the ones who balance that scale.”
Nodding, I sip my tea in attempt to hide my threatening tears.
“There is no secret, just a decision you have to make every single day and my decision has always been love. I can tell you this, if I would have gone the other way, I would have missed today.” She stands. “And today was good.”
Unable to hold them, the tears slip from my eyes, and I bat them away. “Sorry, I’ve been off the grid emotionally lately.” Embarrassed, I sink where I sit.
“Mila, I’m not going to play dumb to your celebrity. I’ve been watching the two of you for years, and I think you’re both lovely. But at no point in time when I watched did I think you were perfect because no marriage is. You are safe here, I promise.”
Unable to speak around the lump in my throat, I nod, eyes cast down.
“Hey, you,” she says pointedly. I look up to where she stands. “I’ve been there. I’ve been exactly where you are, and hopefully that tells you something.”
“It does,” I say with a nod. “Thank you.”
“I’ll just be inside if you need anything.”
“There’s probably no one who understands Method acting better academically than I do, or actually uses it more in his work. But it’s funny—nobody really sees that. It’s perception versus reality, I suppose.”
—Jack Nicholson
Lucas
THREE AND A HALF MONTHS AGO
Clasping my watch, I look over to where Mila sleeps naked on her stomach. Her subtle curves and sun-kissed skin have my cock swelling, and, I’m hard in seconds just from studying her parted lips. I finish dressing and kneel by the bed, pushing her silky dark hair away from her forehead. There was a time when I was unsure if I was enough for her, and even when I put the ring on her finger, I still wasn’t convinced. I married her anyway because I worshipped her for the woman she is, and because she’d convinced me thoroughly to believe in the love that reflected in her eyes. She was the easiest addiction I’d ever allowed myself to have, and now that I’ve let myself become accustomed to the fix, I couldn’t imagine living a second without her. Last night I was unfair to her in a way she didn’t deserve. She’d come through for both of us by helping Amanda pack Blake’s house, and I’d left her alone to deal with the ache it caused. She came home needing me, and I gave her nothing but my back while I strummed my guitar.
I’m such a fucking prick.
Guilt gnaws at me as she slowly opens her eyes and frowns when she sees I’m dressed. “Where are you going?”
“To the shooting range. I’m meeting with a weapons specialist. Come with me.”
“Really?” Her enthusiasm breaks my heart. I’ve done a shit job of meeting her needs, but I still can’t bring myself to get it together. I’m no longer comfortable in my skin. I don’t know how to relay that to her without worrying her further. I’ve never been at odds with my own mind before, and I’m out of my element. There’s more guilt and denial swimming between my ears than I could ever live comfortably with. I need answers.
“Give me ten minutes?”
I nod, and she bounds off the bed. I smack her bare ass and take satisfaction in the slight jiggle. I’m seconds from taking her, but I have plans for today. “Hurry up. I need my partner.”
“I’m all over it, baby,” she says, swaying her hips seductively.
“Keep that up, and I’ll be all over it, baby.”
“Wouldn’t be the worst thing to happen,” she spouts sarcastically.
“Later.” It’s a promise and her eyes light up in understanding.
She grins at me over her shoulder and disappears into the bathroom. I glance around our bedroom. Mila did a beautiful job decorating our beach house. It’s too much house for two but feels like a real home because of her mix of soft plush furniture and her warm color choices. She’d insisted on doing it herself which was great because I was too cheap to