Mess Us Up – Jaxson Kidman Page 0,25
whispers. “You just wanted to go for a walk. You just wanted to get some fresh air. You just wanted to feel like you were part of the world again.”
I swallow hard.
I’m ready to cry.
She gets it.
She understands it.
I feel suddenly safe.
I want to hug Mama Dae back.
But her hug is so tight around me, I can’t move my arms.
So I just enjoy the hug.
And of course, me being me, I start to think about her… what she’s going through. She has to know something is off about herself. She has to…
Mama Dae squeezes me tighter. “If you ever do that again, Jolie, then I swear on my life… that room you were just in? That will be the last room you ever take a breath in.”
Mama Dae breaks the hug and walks back to her pot of sauce.
I turn and walk away.
Every part of my body is shivering with fear.
And yet there’s a deep anger raging inside me.
Maybe I would have been better off getting caught by the real police.
I hear the sound of Mac’s voice before I get to the top of the stairs.
“Where is she? Is she okay? What the fuck happened?”
Mac’s yelling as he runs through the house.
Mama Dae yells for Mac.
He’s at the bottom of the stairs, looking up at me.
All that fear and anger I feel is colliding inside me.
Mac climbs the stairs.
I can’t tell what he's thinking or feeling.
Or what he’s going to do.
When he gets to the top of the stairs, he stops.
If I wanted to push him, he’d go down the stairs and get hurt.
Part of me is really thinking about it. About hurting Mac.
Hurting the guy I’m in love with.
What I don’t love is his life. I want to take his life away… not his heart… but his life… this life…
“Jolie… what were you-”
I swing my right hand and slap Mac across the face.
In a way, I’ve wanted to do that from the day I met him.
I cup my hands to my face and jump back.
My eyes fill with tears.
I think I’m going a little bit insane.
Mac flexes his jaw.
He looks at the floor.
There’s a few seconds between us of dead silence.
Then he slowly lifts his gaze.
Our eyes lock together.
I realize this is our forever battle.
Me secretly wanting to get him out of his life.
Him wanting to pull me closer to him inside his life.
Mac moves toward me again.
His hands grab my waist and he pulls me close to him.
He kisses me.
A quick kiss, but enough that I end up kissing the air between us because I want more.
So he kisses me again.
I grab at his face this time, keeping him near me, kissing me.
I move to my toes.
Our tongues touch.
Lightning pops through my entire body.
A tingling feeling attacks me head to toe.
His hands slide around to my lower back and down to my ass.
He cups and lifts me.
I wrap my legs around him.
That’s a part of me that has no idea what I’m doing… but in reality, I know exactly what the fuck I’m doing.
I’m chasing my own pain and fear away.
Just like the crew does with booze and violence.
Just like the people do that buy stuff from Mac.
It’s the same thing, just a different way.
And I really don’t care.
Mac kisses me harder as he walks us to the bedroom.
He slams the door shut behind us and takes me right to the bed.
When I hit the soft covers, his hands lift my shirt.
I quickly put my hands over my head and arch my back, biting my lip, giving myself to him.
His lips touch just above my belly button.
His bad boy tongue flickers against my skin and he kisses up and up and up…
He takes my shirt off and leaves it on the bed.
His mouth moves over my bra and he growls.
As fast as he took my shirt off is as fast as he unclasps my bra.
When his hands move over my chest, I groan.
His mouth touches my stomach again.
His hands squeeze my chest.
Not too hard, but hard enough to remind me just how strong he is.
His fingertips flirt with my nipples, one by one, and then his hands move down to the button on my jeans.
I lower my back to the bed and look down at Mac.
The devil staring up at me.
Near what used to be my innocence.
The look in his eyes…
I lick my lips as his hands pull at my jeans and panties at the same time.
I lift my lower half off the bed and all my clothes