you arrested? That was my big finale?”
“What am I supposed to think? You sprang tonight on me last minute. You conveniently forgot something and had to leave. You weren’t there when I had to face the music for everything we’ve done this summer.”
“And you have been looking for any excuse for us not to work right from the start. You’re scared of this working, and you’re scared of this not working, and you’re just … scared of everything.”
Sidney narrows her eyes at me and her head tips to the right, like she’s trying to get a better look at me. “You think you’re so brave, but how’s that letter going? Don’t tell me about being afraid when you can’t even talk to your own dad about a decision that affects your whole freaking future.”
“Sid, I just need you to try to see this rationally for two seconds, before you ruin everything.” And she is. I can feel all of the bricks I chipped away at this summer building back up around her.
“If I’m so irrational, so scared, so horrible—I’m not sure why you’d even want to be with me.”
I tug on my hair, because I sort of want to rip it out. I laugh at the absurdity of all this. “Maybe all the compromised food you’ve fed me over the years has eaten away at my brain.”
Sid crosses her arms over her chest and I know this look. Too well. This is her war face. I am the enemy, and she’s not backing down until she’s the victor. “And maybe all of the suspiciously nice things you’ve said to me all summer started to convince me you really were nice.”
“So I’m too nice now?” When I laugh it doesn’t sound like me, it sounds slightly deranged. “I can’t win. You know, maybe you’ll wake up tomorrow and decide this was a horrible idea, but I don’t even care. I guess you were right all along. This can only end one way. It’s pretty clear that you’re not going to let it end the good way. So for my sake, let’s just forget about this, okay? Because you’re right, this isn’t the sort of thing we should get into if we’re not serious about it. We don’t need to screw up our families for a summer fling.”
“That’s what this was to you.”
I hate the conviction in her voice, like she believes it, or at least wants to. “It’s the opposite of what this was for me, but you’ve been convinced this couldn’t work right from the start, and I’m tired of trying to convince you you’re wrong.”
“So we agree.”
“No. We don’t.” I jab my finger at her. “You think this can’t work because … well, for no reason really. You’ve just decided it won’t.” I look out at the lake and back to her. “I think this won’t work, because we’ve been together for a few weeks, and you still don’t trust me. You keep trying to sabotage this. You’re looking for problems where there aren’t any, and you’re already one foot out the door.” I pull on the hem of my T-shirt because I feel like I’m boiling over with angry energy. “This is over, because even if I could talk you down from this, I don’t know how I can trust that you’re not going to do the same thing six months from now. Or two years from now.” I take a step back on the dock. “So”—I throw my hands up like Sidney has me at gunpoint, which is how it feels—“I surrender. You win, Sidney. It’s over. Just like you knew it would be. So like always, your plan worked.”
DAY 50
Sidney
I wait until four o’clock to take the car and drive into town. I’ll stop at the store and get some vacation jerky in case I need an alibi. Another one. The Riverton Police Department is in a large brick building that is long and low and also houses the city hall, fire department, and community room. The building is quiet and empty, and an older woman sits behind a desk, a pane of glass separating her from me. Maybe she’s worried about people sneezing on her, like at a buffet? Oh, right. She’s worried about the criminals who come here. Like me. When I step up she pushes open a window to greet me.
I smile. “Could I see Officer Jennings, please?”
She glances up at me but she’s mostly looking at her computer. “In regards to?”
“I met