I really would prefer just talking to her. “How are you doing?” I asked. She’d been through a lot. We’d almost lost her. We’d almost lost her baby boy, Liam. And I could see it in her eyes. She was still holding on to something there. And I think maybe when we almost lost her, it reminded me of losing Brooklyn. Maybe that’s why I kept feeling like I saw Brooklyn on the streets. Like my past was somehow swirling with my present.
“I’m good.” She laughed and pretended like she meant it. “I kind of thought we’d talk about why you’re upset today.” She leaned back on the couch, resting her head in her hand. “Or why you keep postponing trying to find your soulmate.”
Soulmate. The word sounded bitter instead of hopeful. I took another bite of casserole to stall. Because talking led to the truth. I wasn’t going to talk to her about Brooklyn. One of the reasons I liked hanging out with Penny was because she didn’t know about my past. “No, let’s go ahead and set up this dating profile you’re so obsessed with.” Besides, actually going through with this was the best pretense I had to keep coming back here and hanging out with her.
“Really?” A huge, crazy smile spread across her face. Fine, she didn’t really look crazy. She was always beautiful. And I could easily imagine pushing her back on the couch. My fingers tangled in her hair. That blush on her cheeks just for me. I’d kiss that smirk right off her perfect face. And I wouldn’t need to go on some stupid dating app and play pretend. I knew for a fact that I’d never find someone. But it wouldn’t be half bad having Penny to keep my bed warm.
I hated that I wanted that. But I couldn’t deny it was true. She reminded me so much of Brooklyn. She was sweet and kind and hopeful, despite everything she’d been through. Her laugh filled a room in the same way Brooklyn’s had. Her voice even sounded similar. I wasn’t sure if it was a slight Delawarean accent or what. But when she spoke, I always found myself drawing closer to her. Like she could help me remember everything I’d lost. Even if just for one night.
Yeah, I knew I shouldn’t have been thinking about James’ wife in that way. But I didn’t feel like chastising myself right now. And I couldn’t sit there and deny that she was hot. Gorgeous with a whole lot of crazy currently directed at me.
“Stop it,” I said.
“Stop what?” she asked. But her smile didn’t disappear. If anything, it grew.
“Stop staring at me like you’re about to do something weird.”
Penny laughed. “I’m not doing anything weird. You came to me for help.” She rubbed her hands together in evil joy. “So what dating app were you thinking? I’m a little out of my depth here. James and I met before this whole online dating thing had gotten popular. I never got to experience any of that.”
“I thought you said you knew what you were doing.”
“I do.” She laughed. “Forget everything I just said. I’m a very skilled matchmaker. You came to exactly the right place. And I know which app I want to use. I saw a commercial the other day about compatibility and percentages. Apparently true love…”
True love? Give me a break. “Yeah, I’m out,” I joked and pretended to start to stand up. But I wasn’t going anywhere. Joking around with her was one of my favorite things.
“Matt.” She caught my arm and I tried to ignore the spark that her touch ignited on my skin. Again. It kept happening. And I wanted to pretend it was nothing. But it didn’t feel like nothing to me. It had been a long time since I’d felt something like that. A really long time. It was one of the reasons I’d come over here like an idiot, pretending to ask for her help.
But she felt it too, right? My eyes locked with hers. We both stood frozen for just a few seconds.
I wanted to kiss her. I ran through the consequences in my head. James would hate me. Despite years of trying to forget how much he’d fucked up my relationship with Brooklyn, a part of me still hated him. So I didn’t really care about that. Our friendship was built on a foundation of rotten wood. It was doomed to