was like I could make out Brooklyn in the crowd. My high school girlfriend. My fiancée. My everything. Something about being in this stadium brought her back. Like I could just reach out and touch her. The familiar sounds of helmets clashing and the smell of freshly cut grass made it seem like Brooklyn was here with me. Smiling and cheering. Alive. Happy. Mine. Frozen in time. Always frozen in time at 16.
I closed my eyes. I lost the love of my life when I was a student at Empire High.
And I was just pissed that James had gotten the life I always wanted. It almost felt like he had taken it from me. I thought that feeling would fade over the years. But it hadn’t. James had everything.
I opened my eyes and stared at the empty stands.
And I had nothing.
My phone buzzed again and I looked at Penny’s new text.
“Is it because you’re worried I’ll tell someone? I promised you I wouldn’t. It can be our little secret. I promise, Matt.”
Yeah, she had no idea how suggestive she sounded. Our little secret? It felt like there was a knife twisting in my chest. It reminded me of the times that I had treated Brooklyn like a dirty little secret right here at this school. She’d been a scholarship student, just like Jefferson. She hadn’t belonged in my world. I’d forced her into it. And now? Now she was gone.
The cool autumn breeze blew and I felt a chill run down my spine. I loved the fall just as much as I hated it. Brooklyn and I had shared one season together. I’d met her in the fall and she’d passed away before the seasons changed. All I knew was her in the autumn. So I loved the fall because it reminded me of her. But I also hated it because it reminded me of losing her.
So I kept myself preoccupied with coaching. Or maybe a part of me was just stuck here at Empire High. Frozen in time. Everyone else had moved on with their lives, but I couldn’t.
I looked back down at my phone. I’d always be stuck here. But Penny knew how to make me feel better, at least for one night. She reminded me of Brooklyn more than anyone else ever had. And tonight, I just needed someone to raise my spirits before I went home alone.
I texted her back as I made my way to the parking lot. The principal’s car alarm was still blaring. And there was a little dent on the hood. I hurried past it, hoping no one would make the connection that it was Jefferson who had caused the damage. I didn’t need anyone else telling me to cut him from the team. “Okay, I’m coming over now.”
“Yes! I can’t wait! This is going to be so much fun. You have no idea how long I’ve been looking forward to this. Get your butt over here.”
Suggestive as hell. Now I was thinking about her ass. Stop it. I shoved the equipment bag into the back of my car and slammed the door.
I looked back at the stadium once more and took a deep breath. It had been 16 years since Brooklyn died. But I couldn’t seem to move on. How could I? I’d promised her forever. And I wasn’t a liar.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat. That’s what she’d called me right before she died. A liar. If I could go back, I’d do everything differently. But there was no going back. There were no do-overs. I’d fucked up. I’d fucked everything up.
Another text came through. “This is going to be the best night ever!”
No. It wasn’t. But being with Penny would help. She’d distract me for the night. She’d make me forget. Because she was one of the only people in my life that didn’t know about Brooklyn. She was the only person who didn’t look at me like I was broken. And I didn’t care that she was James’ wife. I needed her.
Chapter 2
Thursday
I made a right toward my apartment building and slammed on the brakes. I was pretty sure my heart stopped beating. Horns blared behind me as I stared at the woman whose blonde hair was swirling in the autumn breeze, covering her face. Brooklyn? My knuckles turned white on the steering wheel as the blonde woman slowly turned toward me. I held my breath. And for just a second, I let myself hope. Because