Matchmaker (Empire High #4) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,145

any more kids. And I’m trying to be fine. I want to be fine. But I’m not fine. I felt like my future was ripped away from me. And I’m trying to be strong and I’m trying to be present but some days are harder than others.”

She pulled her knees tighter to her chest. “So now you know. I’m not crying because I’m unhappy in my marriage. I’m crying because I want to give James the whole world like he’s given me. Because I love him so much that it hurts. And I love his friends like they’re my own family.” She shook her head.

I felt about two inches tall. I was so wrapped up in my own problems that I hadn’t seen it. “You’re everything to James. He doesn’t need anything else.”

“I know that. He’s told me a million times that Scarlett and Liam are enough. That I’m enough. But some days I don’t wake up feeling like enough. So now you know.” She wiped away her remaining tears. “Please don’t stare at me like I’m broken.”

I smiled at her. “I don’t think you’re broken either.”

She looked down at her stomach. “But I actually am.”

“You’re not, Penny. You’re perfect.”

Her fingers splayed across her stomach. “I’m not. No one’s perfect. But I do believe that everyone has a perfect fit. Someone that sees their flaws as anything but. And that’s what James is for me. And maybe that’s what Kennedy is for you. She’s seen you at your lowest lows. And she still looks at you with stars in her eyes.”

“It’s wrong, right? To be in love with Brooklyn’s best friend?”

Penny smiled. “I don’t know. You’re one of James’ best friends and rumor has it that you had a crush on me.”

I laughed. “You’re never going to let me live that down, are you?”

“Probably not. But in all seriousness, I think that if you keep hiding out in here…” she gestured around the room, “…instead of taking a chance on something that could be great? You’ll regret it. More than you regret the last 16 years of pushing everyone away.”

“I don’t want her to fade away. I don’t want her to think that I stopped loving her. I’ll always love her too.”

“She may fade away a little. But she’ll never fade away completely. She’s a part of you. But you have to say goodbye. You can’t keep coming into this room and agonizing about the past. You have to see that that’s not healthy. You’re amazingly talented. But this…it’s a lot, Matt.”

I’d been afraid for anyone to see this room. I thought my friends would get me shipped off to a loony bin. Which was a valid fear. Because this was legit crazy. What was I doing? Wallowing my life away? Penny was right. I needed to say goodbye. But I couldn’t do that here. “You’re right. I know what I have to do.”

Penny nodded.

“But could you maybe just sit here with me for a while?” I asked.

“Of course. Tell me more about her.”

I smiled. I had a million stories to fill the time. And I’d always found it easy to talk to Penny. She always listened. Staring at me with her big blue eyes. I stared into them for a second. They were the same color as Brooklyn’s. Almost the exact same hue. I blinked and turned back to one of the paintings as I told Penny about the performance I did on the homecoming float to win Brooklyn back.

“You’re a terrible singer,” Penny said with a laugh. “I can’t believe you did that.”

“I’m not a terrible singer.”

She stared at me. “Please.”

I laughed.

It was so weird. For years I’d been jealous of James’ life. I’d resented him for having everything I wanted when it felt like he’d stolen it from me. But sitting here right now with Penny? I wouldn’t have had it any other way. I’d needed Penny. As a friend. And if James hadn’t met her, I think I probably would have still been stuck.

Penny was a terrible matchmaker. But she was one hell of a good friend.

***

I sat down on Brooklyn’s grave. “Hey.”

The silence of the night was all that greeted me.

I picked up a tulip that was on Brooklyn’s grave. “Kennedy’s back in town. But I guess you already knew that.” I wondered what Kennedy had talked to her about when she was here. Had she apologized for falling for me? That’s what I thought I’d be doing. But now that I was sitting here,