for some reason we kept going. Like we were escaping.
“I’m so so sorry, Matt,” she said as we hurried down the stairs. “She has a no boys rule when it comes to sleepovers. And obviously we’re just friends so we didn’t break it. But…” her voice got stuck in her throat when I stopped her on the stairs.
“Just friends?”
She blinked up at me. “Yes?”
“I remember everything about last night.” I took a step toward her.
She swallowed hard. “You do?”
I leaned forward slowly.
“I’m pretty sure you’re still drunk,” Kennedy said.
“I swear I’m not. A little hungover. And your mom tried to poison me…but I’m not drunk.”
“It was just a little spicy.”
“A little?”
She laughed and put her hand on my chest. “We both know that you’ll regret it if you kiss me.”
I drew a fraction of an inch closer. “I won’t.”
She seemed to realize I was serious now. “I’m not a temporary fix, Matt.”
“I know that.”
“Do you? Because I’m not so sure. You said you remember last night. Do you remember what you said to me? That you’re not sure if you could love anyone else…”
My lips collided with hers.
Her hand was still pressed against my chest. For a second I thought she was going to shove me away. But instead, her hand crept up my chest to the side of my neck, pulling me closer.
It should have felt wrong. But it didn’t. It felt anything but wrong. So didn’t that make it right?
But then she did shove me away.
“God, what am I doing?” She started blinking fast. “I can’t believe I just kissed you. I can’t believe you just kissed me. I have to go.” She started running down the steps.
“Kennedy!”
She didn’t stop, so I ran after her. She pushed through the doors of the apartment building, blasting us with the cool autumn air. The smell of fallen leaves always reminded me of Brooklyn. But for the first time in a long time, Brooklyn wasn’t the one on my mind.
I grabbed Kennedy’s hand as she tried to hail a cab. “I don’t know how to be okay with her gone,” I said. “I’ve spent the last 16 years trying to be. It’s true, I’m a fucking mess.”
She was blinking away tears. “Matt…”
“But I know you’re not a temporary fix.” I reached out and touched the side of her face. “What if you’re the cure?”
“I can’t fix you. I’m barely standing after…”
I kissed her again. Because anything I said wasn’t helping. But she had to feel this. She had to.
And again she kissed me back.
Her lips tasted salty from her tears. And all I knew was that this flavor was way better than anything in that ice cream container. I’d been right.
The soft moan escaping from her lips nearly drove me insane. I wanted her. I wanted to fucking rip her clothes off and take her right here in the middle of the sidewalk. I wanted to know what it would sound like for her to moan my name.
Instead, I just kept kissing her. And kissing her. And kissing her. I wasn’t sure whether it was for a few seconds or a few minutes. But I kept my hands firmly planted on her hips. I needed her to know that I wasn’t a shmuck like Cupcake. I needed her to know that I meant what I said. That I thought this was the real deal. That maybe we could both be okay.
Her fingers dug into the back of my neck, begging me for more. Fuck.
She felt it too.
God, I needed her. How long had I been waiting to feel like this again?
I could tell Kennedy needed this too. She needed me. And it had been a really long fucking time since I’d felt needed.
I pulled away before I accidentally did try to fuck her in the middle of a busy sidewalk.
She opened her mouth and then closed it again, tears still on her flushed cheeks.
“Come to my practice today.” I wiped her tears away with my thumbs.
“What?”
“Come to Empire High. I want to show you that you’re not stuck. That we’re allowed to live outside those walls.”
“Matt…”
“Do you trust me?”
She nodded.
“3 o’clock, okay?” I reached out my hand and hailed a taxi.
“That was stupid fast,” she said as a taxi pulled to a stop right away.
I laughed and opened the door for her.
For a second, the silence between us felt awkward. Did she regret the first kiss? The second? Both? Had I pushed her too far? I never wanted her to feel