The Man I Thought I Trusted - E. L. Todd Page 0,34

“Carson has been stressed about this every single day since I first told her about it. She was angry with me because I was risking her friendship with you. You assume she was prioritizing her friendship with me, but from my perspective, yours was all she cared about.”

She closed her eyes for a moment.

“Carson is the best person I know. She has the kind of integrity I haven’t ever seen another person show. She’s loyal to a fault. She’s a good friend—the best. You know all of this because you know her as well as I do. So please, let this go.”

She lifted her chin and looked at me again.

“If you’re going to hate someone, hate me. I’m the reason you’re hurting, not Carson.”

She held my gaze for a while, the emotion glistening in her eyes. “What does she have that I don’t?”

I knew we were talking about Denise now, not Carson. “Nothing.”

“Then why? We were happy—”

“I know we were. And I don’t know why. Trust me, I’ve asked myself that a million times.” My hands ran up my face and into my hair so I could grip the strands. “I tried to brush it off, but that only made it worse. It doesn’t make sense. I don’t have an answer for you. But it’s not you. You’ve never been the problem. It’s not because you aren’t pretty enough or interesting enough. It’s not you.”

She dropped her chin again like she couldn’t meet my look. “Is it because she’s Carson’s sister?”

“Meaning?”

She looked at me again. “You’re so close with Carson. Maybe this is a way to be with Carson without actually being with her.”

My eyes narrowed at the accusation. “I don’t have feelings for Carson. That’s ridiculous. If that were the case, I would have done something about it by now. There’s zero attraction there. I’ve seen her naked and, still, nothing. And trust me, I’m straight.”

“That’s why it makes even more sense.”

My eyes narrowed in confusion.

“You love Carson, but you aren’t attracted to her. Denise is a version of her that you’re attracted to.”

“Denise and Carson are nothing alike.”

“Well, that’s the only explanation I can think of—and it makes sense.”

I’d never examined my own actions before, but I didn’t think that was the case. Or maybe it was, because I’d never felt this way about anyone before. If Denise and I ended up together, Carson and I would be related, and she would always be in my life, which was nice. My children would be related to her.

“At least that’s what I tell myself to make me feel better. That I didn’t have a chance.”

That part was true, based on the potency of my feelings. “The reason doesn’t matter. What does matter is your friendship with Carson. Don’t lose something so great because I’m a jackass. Good friends are hard to come by.”

“I know that.”

“Then…forgive her.”

“I’m still angry right now—”

“Then take some time, but don’t throw it away. We both know you’re never going to find a friend as good as Carson. You can’t afford to lose her, frankly. This city is huge, but it can be the loneliest place in the world.”

She looked into my eyes awhile, her thoughts a mystery.

“I’d really like it if we could be friends too…someday.”

She tucked her hair behind her again, even though it was already placed there. It was an absent-minded action she’d always made.

“But I understand if we can’t. I’m just putting that out there.”

She nodded. “I appreciate you saying that.” When it was just her and me like this, she was vulnerable and small, like she wanted to move into a corner and disappear. My proximity affected her, made her nervous and excited at the same time. “Kat…you’re beautiful.”

She lifted her gaze and looked at me, grabbing on to those words like a lifeline.

“Some guy is going to come along, and he won’t be able to believe that he found you. He’ll worship the ground you walk on, love you in a way I never did. You’ll be the love of his life. I’m sorry it wasn’t me, but whoever replaces me will be much better.”

“Maybe…” Her voice cracked when her suppressed emotion shone through. “But honestly…you’re the love of my life.”

A wrecking ball just crashed into my chest—and I couldn’t react. I couldn’t show my pity, couldn’t show my self-loathing. “That will change. I promise. When you meet the perfect person, I’ll mean nothing to you. You’ll wonder why you ever felt anything for me at all, because I’m