The Man I Thought I Trusted - E. L. Todd Page 0,33

just walk away and let it be?

Then I thought of Carson, the best person I’d ever known, and I let my knuckles hit the wood.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

Footsteps sounded a moment later, then a long pause, like she was standing in front of the door and looking through the peephole.

Looking at my face.

The pause continued.

Then the locks started to turn.

I inhaled a deep breath and prepared to look at her face, unsure what kind of expression would greet me.

The door opened, and she stood there, her dark hair in a braid over her shoulder, her soft eyes staring at me. The look on her face implied she hadn’t expected me to show up on her doorstep ever again. A long moment of silence ensued, her looking at me…me looking at her.

I forced myself to speak up. “You got a minute?”

“Uh…sure.” She stepped aside so I could enter her apartment.

Now I wondered how I hadn’t noticed her feelings beforehand. We broke up and I’d just assumed she moved on, but now I could feel the energy in the room, feel her weakness for me.

I walked to the couch and turned around.

She shut the door then walked up to me, her arms crossing over her chest. She stared at the floor for a while, her eyes shifting to one foot. She was in black leggings and a loose-fitting sweater, like she intended to spend the evening in front of the TV with her favorite bottle of wine.

I had to talk again. I decided to say something gentle instead of cutting right to the chase. “How are you?”

“Um…” She cleared her throat. “Good…I guess. You?”

I felt like shit. “I’m alright.”

We were back to awkward silence.

It was strange to think we were ever close at some point. We used to share every thought that came into our minds. Now she felt like a stranger because she was a different person…as was I. “I thought we should talk about everything that’s been going on… It’s gotten a bit crazy.”

She dropped her gaze again.

I’d never actually told her how I felt about Denise to her face—and I felt sick doing it now. I tried to sidestep it. “Look, Carson isn’t responsible for all of this. I was the one who made the decision. I was the one who was emotionally unfaithful. I think you should cut her some slack. There was nothing she could have done to keep everyone happy, you know? And Carson really loves you. After your last conversation, she came home and went straight to bed…and cried.”

She lifted her chin when she heard those words, her eyes just a tad bit softer.

“We both know Carson. That’s not like her.”

Kat tucked her long hair behind her ear.

“I understand why you feel betrayed by her, but you should know that when I told her the truth, she told me that it was never going to happen, that I should forget about Denise because there would be no way to keep our friendship intact if I did otherwise. She tried to talk me out of it…a lot. But I couldn’t let it go.”

Now, she couldn’t look at me.

“I’m so sorry, Kat. I hate that this has happened. I hated it when it was happening.”

She kept a stoic face, but I knew she was crying a river inside.

“I understand if you want nothing to do with me. But please…don’t cut Carson out of your life. She really loves you, really values your friendship.”

“And what about you?” She looked at me.

I stared at her for a few seconds, unsure of her meaning. “What are you asking?”

“Do you value our friendship?”

“Of course. But…I understand if that’s just not an option.” Seeing Denise and me together would probably be hard forever. Even if years passed, it would probably stay just as difficult to handle. “In a fantasy world, nothing would change. We all still hang out together.”

She tightened her arms across her chest and looked away, her fingers trailing along her jawline just the way she used to whenever she was deep in thought.

“Forgive Carson. Please.”

“I just…” She shook her head slightly. “She lied to me.”

“No.” My voice grew firm. “I lied to you. I lied to you for months because I had feelings for someone else that I couldn’t get under control. I wasted months of your life telling you I loved you when I didn’t feel that way anymore…” It was a harsh thing to say, but I needed to direct her wrath onto me and away from Carson.