Lured into Love (Blossom in Winter #2) - Melanie Martins Page 0,86

I utter in total awe at the endless snow coating the fields. I rush outside in a hurry to get started and gather as much snow as possible in my hands. Then I lift them up and throw the snow in the air. And I watch, marveling as the snow floats away, taken up by the wind like magic. Wow… “Have you seen this?” I ask, still fascinated, but no one answers. Looking around, I don’t see my godfather anywhere. “Alex?” My smile drops, and I slowly walk back toward the door, searching for him. “Alex?” I repeat, stepping onto the front porch. When no one replies, my heart freezes, not knowing why. “Alex?” Then I hear footsteps, but no one is coming. I hear him saying he loves me, but there is no one around…

My eyes opening wide, I realize it was just another nightmare. Sleeping has become scary to me, and I wonder if this is a side effect of the pills Dr. Nel prescribed me. I keep having the same nightmares, then the same illusions, and the same hope that one day, when I expect it the least, Alex will come back and surprise me. Maybe he will be standing at the entrance of Columbia like last time. And like last time, Matthew will want to take a photo in front of the Rolls-Royce Phantom. This time, though, I’ll gladly hold his iPhone and take it. Then I remind myself that there is too much at stake and forgetting Alex is the only wise thing to do. But I can’t—my heart is full of hopes.

How foolish of you, my mother would say.

But this sense of hope is beyond my control. Because, after all, hope is what makes the world go round, right?

Hope is what gives us the strength to wake up every day, believing that today will be a better day.

We want to believe it. We need to believe it.

Everything will be alright, the sweet words we hear constantly no matter how bad we feel.

Sunlight is already timidly piercing through the curtains, announcing another day—another day without him…

I know I’ve got to get up. Since I promised I’d do so without Janine, I push down the sheets and drag myself out of bed, then, moving like a zombie, I head to the bathroom and into the shower. The warm water falls on my tense shoulders as I try to stand steadily, but my body and mind are still asleep, unready for one more day that will just feel like the previous one.

Manhattan, September 29, 2020

Every day is the same monotonous routine devoid of any meaning. I read my books with a smile, jumping from one online class to another, but it’s like living out of boredom, patiently waiting for death to take me.

Then at two p.m., and because it’s Tuesday, Anthony is waiting for me downstairs to take me to my appointment with Dr. Nel. Matthew and the group were kind enough to stay with me for lunch—a ritual that makes me eat a bit more twice a week.

“This time, tell her something.” Matthew surprises me not only with his caring tone, but by planting a kiss on my temple.

“You shouldn’t worry,” I mumble, letting a smile escape.

“I want you to be healthy. And happy and alive, just like before.” He brushes a lock of hair behind my ear, and I drop my gaze, a bit troubled about how much he cares. “And you should want it too.”

His voice brings my eyes up again, but, as I look at him, I’ve got nothing to say. Giving him a side smile, I just head toward Anthony, who greets me while opening the door.

“What was the point of waking up if it’s to live like this?” While I remain lying on the velvet chaise lounge, looking at the white ceiling, I feel like Dr. Nel is smiling at me behind her big notebook. I’ve never initiated a conversation with her before, and I know she wasn’t expecting I’d do so today.

“What do you mean ‘like this’?”

Keeping my gaze on the ceiling above me, I say, “Without joy… or the will to live…”

“You are going through a depression. It’s normal that you—”

“I miss him,” I finally tell her. But I don’t stop there, no. If I have to “tell her something,” then I’ll tell her everything. “I miss him every single day. More and more.” The sadness my words carry has rendered Dr. Nel totally speechless. “I, um, I don’t