Now there’s no need to battle physically, so my brain wants to make it a mental challenge.
I’m hammered with thoughts. Memories. Fears.
The voices in my head are a looped recording filled with panic and shame. And I can’t quieten them. I’ve tried. They multiply no matter what I do. Despite how fortunate I am.
It’s as if piranhas are constantly nipping at my ankles, eager for the taste of my suffering.
My mind doesn’t want me to heal.
I sigh, entirely weary.
I want him to help. I want it more than anything. But talking to him means I’ll become more of a burden. It will also wake him up to the reality that I’m not the person he saved in Greece. I’m not a fighter. Only a failure.
I still yearn to be rescued.
I swallow over the lump forming at the back of my throat and force myself to walk inside.
The house is peacefully quiet. Sarah must have left, allowing the comfort of normalcy to gently spread its wings around me.
It’s back to being me and Luca. The way I like it.
If only there wasn’t this new pressure slowly bearing down on me. The ability to recover seems entirely out of reach.
But what if she’s right? What if he can help?
The sooner I get back on my feet, the sooner he can be unburdened from my annoyances.
My stomach churns as I make my way toward the rustle of paper down the hall. My nerves build when I realize he’s in his room. In unchartered territory. Yet my feet move of their own volition, taking me to his threshold, the door slightly ajar.
He’s near the huge bed, his back facing me as he rifles through a myriad of paper bags spread across the mattress. Some are crumpled and empty, the contents seeming to be the mass of material piled in front of him.
I take another step and the door hinges squeak in protest.
Shit.
Luca stiffens, his spine snapping ramrod. “Did Sarah leave?”
I wince. “Yeah.”
“Did she go of her own free will or did you kick her out?” He turns to face me, a lock of hair falling over his forehead to tease his eye.
“I’d never kick someone out of your house.”
“Why not? Don’t be polite on my account. When it comes to her, you’ve got free rein as far as I’m concerned.”
I know he’s joking, attempting to make light of an awkward situation. Again, I’m appreciative. “Did you know she was coming around so she could report back to Sebastian?”
“I gathered as much. I don’t blame him, either.”
“But you speak to him, right? I’ve heard you talking on the phone.”
He nods. “At least once a day. But it’s no secret he doesn’t trust me with your welfare. He’s keeping tabs the best way he can.”
I wince, wishing the way my brother kept tabs didn’t add more of a burden. “Thank you, Luca.”
“What for?”
“For having her over every day, knowing she was spying, yet keeping her on a leash. I know this can’t be easy for you.”
“Can’t be easy? Are you kidding?” He waves me away and returns his attention to the mess on the bed. “You treat me like a king. All that cooking and cleaning. I haven’t done laundry once since we got here.”
“It’s the least I can do.”
He shoots a warning look over his shoulder. “Do we really have to have this conversation again? You know I don’t want you lifting a finger.”
“It keeps me busy.” I bite my lip, hesitant to expose my vulnerabilities. “My hands and my mind.”
“Well, I’ll buy you a gaming console. You can button bash for a while instead of getting cleaner’s elbow.”
“No, thank you. I’m not a gamer.” I take another step, the intoxicating earthy smell of his aftershave sinking into my lungs. It’s everywhere. In every breath. “What are you doing?” I continue to the bed and focus on the mess covering the mattress.
“Tidying up crap I had lying around.” He begins shoving things into bags, his movements agitated.
Something has changed. Something’s made him uncomfortable.
“I’ve overstepped.” My thoughts become words. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have intruded on your private space.”
“You haven’t.” He keeps shoving, shoving, shoving the items of clothing. “Give me a second and I’ll have this all bagged up.”
No, I’ve definitely triggered his annoyance. I can see it in the way his usually graceful moves have become jerky.
I retreat a step, preparing to leave.
“Penny, I’m serious. Don’t go.” He meets my gaze, his intense eyes holding mine. Demanding. “You’ve barely