The machine next to me starts beeping like crazy, and I suddenly can’t get a full breath.
I’m going to be taking care of this baby all alone. Jackson won’t be able to do anything. Will I have to take care of Jackson, too? How am I ever going to survive? Sending Colton and Amanda away was the wrong choice. Fuck, I’m so fucked.
“I-I can’t breathe.” I panic.
Rose’s eyes go wide as she stands up. “You’re having a panic attack. Try to breathe!”
“I can’t.” I choke, the noise of the machines making things worse. I can only breathe in a quarter of the way before I can’t breathe anymore. Rose’s voice yells at me but I can’t hear the words, her voice sounding like it’s coming through a tunnel.
I watch as a nurse rushes in here and speaks to me, but I can only watch as her lips move and she messes around on the machine next to me.
I feel myself go lightheaded and I slide onto my back and scratch at my throat. It’s like a pair of hands are around my neck and squeezing with all their might. It’s the most painful, uncomfortable feeling I’ve ever experienced in my life.
I watch as the nurse injects something into my IV, and not even a minute later the beeping slows down, followed by my heart.
Slowly, I can take bigger breaths with each inhale.
“You gave us quite a scare, there. Try and take a few deep breaths. I didn’t even know you were awake.” The nurse gives Rose a look. “Next time, please let one of us know.”
Rose narrows her eyes at her, and if my body wasn’t completely numb, I might crack a smile.
“I feel funny.” I slur.
“I gave you a bit of a sedative to relax. You might get a bit drowsy, but that’s normal. Just relax.”
“But I want to go see Jackson.” I look at Rose with heavy-lidded eyes.
“We’ll talk about it when you wake up.” She reaches over and gives my hand a squeeze. My gaze grows blurry as Rose and the nurse turn into colorful blobs. I want to argue. I want to fight, but I can’t. My body melts into the mattress beneath me and my mind turns cloudy.
I don’t want to sleep.
I need to go see Jackson.
“Everything is going to be just fine.” The nurse murmurs.
No, I really don’t think it is.
2
Cara
When I wake up a few hours later, there's only one thought that comes to mind.
Jackson.
"Rose?" I groan, rubbing a hand down my face.
She looks up from my little bundled baby, and my heart skips a beat. I can't believe I made such a perfect human, and once again I promise that I'll give him the best life possible.
But first, I need to figure out what's going on with my child's father.
Shit, my child. I don't even have a name for him yet.
"I need to go see Jackson." I say, not able to peel my eyes off the baby.
She cringes. "I don't think it's a good idea."
"Why not?"
"Cara," Rose sighs, standing up to place the baby in his bed. "He's had a couple surgeries. He's not doing well."
"What do you mean? Is he going to make it?" I grip the sheets below me as I prepare to hear the worst.
She shakes her head. "No. I mean no, he's going to make it. He's not doing well… mentally. Physically, too, but mostly mentally."
"I don't know." She frowns.
"So, help me, Rose. I might have stitches in my stomach holding my insides together, but I'll walk there if I have to."
She sighs again, this time defeated. "I'll get the nurse." She walks out with worry in her eyes, and I lean back on the bed, finally feeling like I can breathe. I don't remember what happened to Jackson, not completely. But it can't be that bad, right?
Right?
When Rose comes back with a nurse trailing behind her, I wonder if maybe it really is that bad. Not only is the look on Rose's face concerning, but the nurse doesn't look too happy, either.
"Are you sure you're up for a visit? You've went through some traumatic experiences the last couple days. It's okay to just rest and heal. Jackson will still be there once you're feeling better." The nurse looks me over, probably looking for a reason to keep me here.
I push myself up, wincing through the pain. "No, I want to go see him. I want to see him now."