would crack if he moved?
“Honey,” he began, and his voice did crack. Like a bad motor, he couldn’t seem to start it up again without turning it over a few times. Finally, he looked up. “What the hell did you do?”
But he knew. She saw that, and just swallowed hard. “So it worked?”
He only managed a mute nod.
“So Jeannie’s not Lost anymore?” She pressed when he still didn’t answer. “Right?”
“It doesn’t matter, Kit—”
“Of course it does! Scratch thinks it can drag the Lost souls into a fate that’s not their own but—”
“Scratch isn’t after the Lost anymore, Kit! It’s after you!”
She drew back. “It can’t touch me. I’m Chosen. And I’m not vulnerable. I’m . . . good.”
Face crumpling, Grif shook his head. “You gave it your tears, Kit! It has your memories. It knows your emotions—”
“That’s right!” she said, because she didn’t need to be attacked by him, too. “I fed my tears to Jeannie, cried them right into her mouth, because her body was convulsing and her head was jerking side to side, and I didn’t know what the hell was going on! I wanted to help! Did I? Did I help?”
It took a while, but Grif finally whispered, “Yes.”
But he looked like he blamed himself for it. Kneeling before him, Kit wondered what exactly had gone on between him and Scratch. She took his hands, icy cold, in hers. “Then it was worth it.”
“Not to me.”
Kit had never seen Grif this way. Though fully clothed, he looked naked somehow, like something had been taken from him. She swallowed hard. “You’re scaring me.”
He opened his mouth but the words didn’t come. That just scared her more.
“I have to go,” he finally said. “I’m her Centurion. I have to . . .”
But he couldn’t seem to voice what he had to do. It was as if he no longer knew.
“I understand,” she said, and straightened as if to stretch, though she really half-pulled him to his feet. “You need to secure her soul safely in the Everlast. I’ll leave and you’ll have your privacy.”
She led him to the bed, telling herself she was saying good-bye to Jeannie, and not showing Grif what he needed to do next. Yet when she turned to leave, he stopped her with a hand on her arm. It was still cold, like he’d just come in from a winter storm, but at least it was now steady.
“It was right, you know.”
Kit didn’t understand. “What?”
“Scratch,” Grif answered, and he frowned and winced at the same time. “It was right when it said that you were a light. Your soul . . .”
“What?” Kit repeated, with more alarm this time. What was wrong with her soul?
Still shaking his head, Grif closed his eyes. “It was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. And then your tears began to fall, and I’ve never felt so loved and at peace and . . . pure.”
Stunned, Kit said nothing.
He opened his eyes again, and it was a steadier gaze that found hers. Good. He was coming back around. And yet his face was blank, the expression blasted from it. Grif, she realized, was terrified. “I couldn’t stop it. It would have had Jeannie. And it didn’t even want her, not really. But . . .”
“But it’s fixed on me,” Kit finished for him.
“It craves you like a caged lion, one that’s been malnourished for centuries.” He shook his head. “What were you thinking of when you . . . you know.”
“When I started to cry?” Kit asked, and Grif nodded. “You.”
Grif sighed, also nodding after a moment, before he jerked his head at Jeannie. “I have to take her. Now.”
“Okay.” She turned again.
“Kit.” He spoke her name sharply as she reached the curtain that led back into the bustle of the ER. She turned back around to find him more solemn than she’d ever seen. “Keep your emotions under control. I think that’s how it plans to circle back around.”
Kit swallowed hard. “When will you be back?”
“I don’t know. I need to deliver Jeannie to incubation. I need to talk to Sarge about Scratch and the Lost. I have . . . some other questions while I’m there.”
“But time runs differently in the Everlast, right? I mean, you can arrive anywhere you want back on the Surface?” She meant anywhere in the future. He just couldn’t go back to the past. Join the club, Kit thought, blowing a hard breath as he nodded. “Okay, so meet me right outside