pulled away. How I got myself back under control, or at least the semblance of control.
I still don’t know how, but I did.
I can’t move forward with Miss Shaw until I have the non-disclosure agreement with everything in it. Everything all spelled out. All of it. Like I told the driver last night, the rules need to be clear, and in black and white. For him, a quick conversation will suffice. For me, not so much. I need to be sure she understands what it is she’s getting into. I can’t have bad press or comebacks. I need a signature first. Then, and only then, can we proceed. I don’t want this getting out. It would hurt my mom, and I don’t want Miss Shaw to think there’s more to it. That there’s a future for us, because there isn’t. We’ll have a business arrangement. Then we’ll both move on.
I meant every word I said to our driver last night. Sometimes you need to use someone to be able to move on. That person, for me, happens to be Miss Shaw. I don’t like the fact that she’s so nice. I don’t want to hurt her. Again, I realize that this protective instinct I have surrounding her is the poison talking. All I know is that I’m feeling better with her in my life. I’m lighter. I haven’t made anyone cry since she arrived at Zeus Group yesterday. It’s already working. I can’t fuck this up any more than I have already. I can’t believe I kissed her, that I very nearly fucked her right there, in a public place. I check my watch. It’s twenty-six minutes past seven. I hope she’s on time. I won’t be able to reprimand her if she isn’t. When it comes to her, I’m soft. Soft in all the wrong places and hard in all the wrong fucking places. This is a mess!
I drink my coffee. It’s cold. Fuck. I’ve been here for two hours because I couldn’t sleep. I got a ton of work done instead. I close my laptop just as Miss Shaw walks in.
She’s wearing a powder blue dress. It’s fitting, showcasing her curves. Fuck me, but she’s gorgeous. I manage to get my eyes up to her face and jump to my feet. She looks like hell. “Miss Shaw…are you okay?”
Her eyes are bloodshot. There are dark smudges below them. They even look a little puffy. I think she might have been crying. She looks exhausted.
“No…I’m not okay.” Her voice sounds choked.
I want to ask her what’s wrong, but I know what’s wrong. I know exactly. That kiss. That fucking kiss.
“I’m so sorry.” Her voice breaks. Thank fuck she doesn’t cry. She swallows thickly, taking a few seconds to compose herself. “That…it…yesterday…last night…” She breathes in. “I should never have mauled you like that. It was wrong of me. Very wrong. You have women throwing themselves at you left, right, and center. You asked me to help you with that and I…I…I maul you. I apologize profusely, and…here…” She sniffs, handing me an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“Open it.” Her eyes sparkle with unshed tears, but she blinks a few times and sniffs again instead of crying.
I take the envelope. I don’t like where this is going. I open it and pull out the single sheet of white paper. “You’re resigning?”
She nods. “I apologize for letting you down like this. I’ll help out today…if you even want me to, that is. Here…” She takes out a stack of papers. It’s the agenda. They’re printed on pale green paper. The B&H logo is on the top right-hand corner. Zeus Group on the left.
“These are great,” I say. They are great. She did an amazing job, I’m not just saying it.
“Don’t try to flatter me. I don’t deserve it.”
“Miss Shaw…stop.” I hold up the stack. “These are great. You didn’t maul me last night.” If anyone did the mauling, it was me.
“I did.” She nods her head, sniffing. “I absolutely mauled you.”
“You had a couple of glasses of wine and the—”
“Thanks for the reminder. I drank too much and then mauled you, and all on my first day of work. I’m mortified.” She covers her face with her hand, closing her eyes. It’s like she’s hoping she’ll disappear. That if she can’t see me, I can’t see her. She’s fucking adorable. I can’t let her leave. I won’t.
“These things happen sometimes. We both had a few drinks, and it happened…” I shrug. “It’s not a