Lord of Rain (The Dragon Demigods #5) - Charlene Hartnady Page 0,105

he’s not comfortable telling me all this. “It made me think that she was the most beautiful woman on earth. Like I couldn’t live without her. I was instantly obsessed, to the point where I would have killed for her. I would have killed anyone, even my own mother. Done anything she asked of me, just for her affection. It was all a lie, Ash. It wasn’t real. It was the poison…venom talking.”

I still, foolishly, hold onto some hope. “You said the effects of the venom aren’t supposed to linger, but they did with you?” I hate where this is going. I want to cover my ears. I want to tell him to stop there. I want to throw myself into his arms and forget all about it. I can’t!

He nods. “Yeah, they did. I was in a bad place for weeks after she was killed.”

“She died?”

Bolt nods again. He tells me how Morgan shot her. “It was the most frustrating time of my life. I knew it was the venom, but I couldn’t help how I felt inside. I slowly improved. Day by day, it got easier.”

“But your feelings never quite went back to normal?”

He shakes his head. “I knew that logically,” he touches the side of his head, “it was all in here. Not in here.” He touches his chest.

“But it felt real?”

He nods.

“I look like her, don’t I?” My voice breaks just a little.

“No, Ash…no… It wasn’t like that.” He tries to take my hands, but I pull away.

“Why did you hire me?” I ask. “It’s a question I’ve asked myself so many times. I couldn’t believe it when you showed up at the bakery. You were so good to me and so lenient. It seemed too good to be true. That’s because it was. I wasn’t a PA. I had no training to speak of, and yet you not only hired me, but you increased your offer to get me on board. You hired me because I looked like her.”

He doesn’t say anything.

“Admit it, Bolt!” My voice is hard.

“Yes, okay…yes! I hired you because you looked like the harpy. I was much better, but still not…over her yet. I hoped you could help me find closure.”

“By sleeping with me and then leaving me? By having everything neatly outlined in an NDA?” I’m shouting, but I can’t help it.

“I wasn’t going to sleep with you, but that changed. I started to get to know you, and I wanted you.”

I roll my eyes and snort. “Right!”

“I hadn’t planned on sleeping with you. I swear! It all started because of her, but I got to know you…Ash. I started falling for—”

“Don’t say it! Just don’t!” I point at him. “Every look. Every touch. Every word… They were all for her. Never for me.”

“That’s not true,” he growls, looking sincere.

“You hired me because I looked like someone you were in love with. Someone who died suddenly. You were left with a hole in your soul. I just happened to fit the shape and size of that hole perfectly. Like a cookie-cutter of me made it.”

“I was not in love with the harpy. It was the poison…the fucking venom…whatever. All I know is what I feel for you is real, Ash. It’s been months since her death. It’s been forever.” His voice is deep; it softens as he talks of his feelings for me. My heart is clenching. I want to believe him so badly.

“Can you really look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s me you see? That’s it’s me and only me you have these feelings for? That you want me…Ashley Shaw?” My voice is faltering, but I force myself to go on. “The truth is important to me, Bolt. It’s everything to me. I’ve always been honest with you, at times to my detriment. I need you to respect me enough to do the same. Can you look me in the eyes and tell me that you’re falling for me, and that she has nothing to do with it?”

I feel myself bleeding inside. My heart is splintering. His eyes are on mine. They stay on mine. Each second that ticks by, I hemorrhage more until I am dry inside. Until my heart can no longer beat. It has nothing left. “I didn’t think so,” I whisper.

“Please don’t end it. Don’t do this to us,” he whispers. His eyes are hazy; they shine with what looks like unshed tears. He blinks and runs a hand over his