the veins in his defined muscles protruded through his skin.
I cupped his face. He tried to pull away, but I held on tightly. He didn’t fight me as much as I’d feared. He grasped my wrists as if to throw me away. But instead his hands held me like a lifeline, the way Gene had gripped onto Charlie, as if he would plummet into freezing depths if he didn’t keep tight hold of me.
I moved in slowly, kissing along his stubbled cheek until my lips met his. I kissed him. I kissed him softly, showing him the love I felt for him. The love I now knew he had been denied for so long. A love I knew he had no idea what to do with.
I guided him on top of me as I lay back on the bed. He crawled above me, breathing heavily. I held Arthur’s face, then let him be the one to kiss me. He inched his face closer to mine, his breath stuttered and unsteady. Then his lips met mine, and he kissed me. He didn’t ravish me. He kissed me the way I’d always dreamed he could and someday would.
And once he started, he didn’t stop. Arthur kissed my mouth; he kissed my neck and over my breasts. He kissed down my stomach and reached between my thighs. I widened my legs, and he dropped his head and licked along my core. My head rolled back as his tongue licked my clit, then down to my entrance.
“Arthur,” I murmured, lost in the pleasure, lost in the gentleness, the softness. I stroked my fingers through his hair and looked down as he took me with his mouth. His hands were on my thighs, only moving to push a finger inside me. His tongue and finger worked me faster and faster until my back arched and I broke apart.
I cried out into the room, the sound echoing off the old beamed ceilings. Arthur crawled above me. His eyes met mine as he slid inside me, as he hooked his arms under mine and filled me, chest to chest. He groaned, and the sound was a symphony in my ears as he thrust inside me at a steady, maddening pace. As I closed my eyes, tears pricked behind my lids.
In all the years that he had come to me in Oxford, in all the nights since the pit, it had never been like this. It had never, ever been like this for me. And I knew it never would be again.
I opened my eyes. He lifted his face from my neck and saw my tears fall. Arthur frowned, then licked at the falling tears as he increased his pace. He drove me slowly insane, gently pushing and pushing me until I tensed, then cried out in ecstasy as I came. I held on to him tightly as I melted against him. Arthur kissed me, then he stilled, groaning into my mouth as I swallowed the sound of his release.
He fell forward, his head tucking into my neck, his lips kissing my damp skin. He stayed inside me, thrusting softly as our pleasure was wrung out. I ran my hands along his back and stroked his hot skin.
Arthur lifted his head, then pulled out of me, bringing me to his chest. His heart was racing as I pressed my ear to his pecs. His breathing was heavy, and I wondered what he was thinking. I knew he wouldn’t tell me. At least, I knew I had to give him time to open up to me.
But this, what we had just shared, was a start.
We had just made love. Arthur had just made love to me. I never thought I would ever see the day when he let me in enough to have that.
He thought himself dark. He thought himself untouchable and unloveable. To me he was anything but.
I stared at the beams in the ceiling. His hand was entwined with mine. I felt him light a cigarette then smelled the smoke crawling around us. The white smoke billowed into the air above us, and I watched as it faded into nothing.
My mind drifted to the conversations we had had. When Arthur had pushed me, trying to test me, to see if I would run away. If I would abandon him because of his life, because of what he had done—still did. If I would eventually shy away from the black hole and empty void that lived within him.