hard to believe she still had to go back to the convent, but Joe still had a lot to work out in his own mind. They had agreed to wait for a while, to give him time to sort things out, but they had both made their decisions. It was just a question of time now. But they both knew they couldn't continue the charade indefinitely, and to Gabriella, at least, that part of it seemed very wrong. They had to admit it now, confess their sins, and eventually move on toward their future. If they were going to be together, she didn't want to lie to Mother Gregoria for a long time.
She adjusted her dress carefully again, and he took her in his arms one last time before they left the apartment together. “I'm going to miss you terribly,” he said in a voice still gruff with passion. “I'll remember this day for the rest of time.”‘
“So will I,” she whispered, her love for him mixed with the guilt she felt for the women she had betrayed when she gave herself to him. But in her heart, she already felt married to him.
They left the apartment, and he walked her slowly back to the car, and watched her put her coif on. She was a postulant again, a nun in the eyes of the world. But as he looked at her, he knew better. He remembered every inch of her, all the sheer, raw beauty of her, and their passion for each other as he leaned down and kissed her.
“Take good care of yourself,” he said gently to her. “I'll see you tomorrow morning.” He heard confessions and said Mass every day now. It wasn't much for them to share, but it was all they had beyond the world of their borrowed apartment.
“I love you,” she said, and they kissed again, and then with a heavy heart, she drove away. She hated to leave him. And it was even more depressing when she got back to the convent. She wanted so desperately to be with him, and seeing the nuns around her everywhere reminded her of what she'd done, and how far behind she'd left them. And yet, she still had to be here. Until they decided what to do about it, she had nowhere else to go, and neither did Joe. They had a lot of practical issues to work out before they made any kind of announcement. And she still wanted Joe to be sure about his decision to leave the priesthood. But she also knew that if he left her now, she had no doubt whatsoever in her mind that it would kill her.
She lay awake in her bed for hours that night, and several of the postulants had noticed that she scarcely spoke at dinner. She seemed lost in her own thoughts, and the Sister in charge of them that week was worried that she might be getting sick. In fact, the next morning she urged Gabbie to go see the doctor. She looked tired and pale, but she insisted that she was fine, and as usual went to both Mass and confession.
Joe was waiting in the confessional for her, and he opened the grille immediately to kiss her.
“Are you all right?” he asked, sounding worried. He had been anxious about her all night, as well as hungry for her. She had awakened an insatiable appetite, and after he'd gone back to the apartment to clean up, it had seemed so empty without her. “No regrets?” He held his breath as he waited for her answer.
“Of course not. It was so sad coming back here yesterday. I was so lonely without you.”
“So was I.” He wanted to go back to the apartment with her again, but she had no idea when she could do that.
They met in the empty office at noon instead, and for once they both seemed very nervous. They had been lucky here so far, but Gabriella was beginning to worry that one of these days someone might see them.
She worked in the garden for the rest of the afternoon, thinking of him, and longing to be with him. She even took the chance of calling him from Mother Gregoria's office. They had a quick chat, and were careful not to reveal their names or their secret. But they both knew the risks were high and the stakes were mounting. They would have to make a clean breast of it soon, but