zipped shut. Stuck with super-glue. The man would condemn himself with his own words.
Craven was talking again. ‘I put my arm around her shoulders. I thought it might calm her.’ A pause. ‘She was very soft.’ He stopped, looked up. ‘That sounds as if I’m making excuses. I’m not making excuses.’
Oh, but you are. That’s just what you’re doing. Still Jen stayed silent.
‘I wanted to touch her. And I did. I should have had more control, I know that. And then it was all over. Very quickly. And I felt so ashamed and disgusted. I was crying.’ He looked up.
‘Did you rape her?’
‘I didn’t think I had. That wasn’t what it felt like. I didn’t think I’d hurt her.’
‘You did hurt her.’
He nodded, but she still wasn’t sure that he accepted his guilt. ‘You had sex without consent. We need to be clear about this. That was rape.’
Still he seemed unable to accept the fact of his guilt. ‘I told her how sorry I was.’
‘What happened next?’
‘I tried to explain that it was our secret. I wouldn’t tell anyone if she didn’t. She just smiled and asked me again if I was all right.’
‘And then?’
‘I wasn’t sure what I should do. I went to find Caroline. She’d just finished a session with a client and we went for a walk along the river. She could see I was upset. I said I’d have to tell my boss, or the bishop. I couldn’t dream of being a priest now. I’d have to resign.’ He paused. ‘There was a cold wind blowing across the water. I remember that. Hail that stung my face. And do you know? Part of me was relieved to be going, to be leaving the priesthood, the parish. Because I don’t think I’d make a very good priest. I find it overwhelming. The demands. I’m too confused. Too weak.’
‘But Caroline persuaded you?’
‘She said it was my duty to stay. I had so much to give.’
And you’ve always done what Caroline told you.
‘She said she’d be strong enough for both of us.’
‘So, you carried on with your life and said nothing.’
‘Yes!’ He looked up at her. ‘And I thought she was right. Really, that seemed the brave thing to do. The least easy.’
‘When did you know that the incident hadn’t just gone away? That Rosa’s mother had found out?’
‘Christopher Preece asked to see me. He called me to his house. I thought he might call in the police, or at the very least demand my resignation, but he said the work that was happening at the Woodyard was more important than me, more important than my conscience. I had to stay away, never come to the place again, never mention what had happened with Rosa to anyone.’ He paused. ‘I promised. What else could I do?’
‘Did he ask you to stay away from his daughter?’
‘No!’ That seemed to astonish Craven as much as it did Jen. ‘He didn’t ask that of me.’ A pause. ‘He said I made her happy and that was all he’d ever wanted.’ A pause. ‘I think he liked the power he had over me. He said if I ever did anything to upset her, he’d tell the police.’
‘Tell me about the abduction of Christine Shapland.’ Jen wondered what the time was and glanced at her watch. Outside it was still quite dark. She wished she’d had the chance to phone the kids before she started the interview; they’d both be well asleep by now.
‘That was horrible! A terrible mistake!’
‘You picked up the wrong woman.’
‘Preece phoned me, told me my actions had come back to haunt me, to haunt the Woodyard. He said Lucy Braddick had proof. There was an item of clothing with semen stains. A skirt. She’d know where it was.’ The blush again as if the words were worse than the action of abducting a vulnerable adult. ‘He said I should pick up a woman with Down’s syndrome, who’d be wearing a purple cardigan. I should say I’d been asked to give her a lift to Lovacott but I was to take her to a flat in Braunton.’
‘Who gave you the key to the Braunton flat?’
‘Nobody. They said it had been left there, under a slate, next to the door.’
‘Go on.’
‘I was to ask her to give me the clothes she’d stolen from Rosa, or to tell me where they were, and then I was to let her go. But yes, I got the wrong woman. I couldn’t even get that right.