flat as I watch my beautiful ballerina head out to work. I’ve watched Sara transform before my eyes and become more beautiful than any woman I’ve ever known. Her hair is slowly becoming lighter and she always has a smile on her lips as she leaves for work. She doesn’t seem like the sad girl I left with my heart back in New York almost a year ago. My day ends when I see the lights go off in her flat; only then can I rest, knowing she’s in bed safe and sound and that I’ll see her first thing in the morning.
She’s been on several dates with various wankers in the past year. I’ve considered very hard accidentally plowing the bastards over with my car, but fortunately for me—and them—none of her dates ended with more than a friendly peck on the cheek. I’ve been testing myself. The easiest thing for me would’ve been to run to her and ask her for another chance, but the correct thing is to earn another chance with her. What I did to her and the way I abandoned her is unforgivable. She trusted me above her best mate and I demonstrated my disloyalty almost instantly.
She may not know it, but I’m courting her. We have been dating from the moment Emily informed me she was within reach. I know everything there is to know about her, from what and where she eats to what she drinks. I know which underground tube she rides to get to her firm and which co-workers she frequents the pub with after work. Her favorite store is Selfridge & Co. and I even know where she buys her knickers. She treats herself to flowers every Friday and walks into Hamley’s toy shop at least once a week. She goes out to dinner on her own frequently and stares at her phone screen entranced for hours. I long to sit next to her, just be by her side and fix that hair that always falls into her eyes, but I haven’t earned it yet. The bottom line is I’m in love with Sara Klein; she just doesn’t know it.
I have been in contact with both Emily and Louis since watching and learning of the video footage of Isabella and Louis all those years ago. I forgave him and myself for failing to save my beautiful Isa. She had drug addiction issues that caused many of her heartaches and eventually took her life. I respect him for trying to help her and I’ve apologized to him on behalf of my sister for the turmoil she and I caused. About three months back, Louis paid me another visit that ended differently than our previous encounters. It actually ended with us visiting my sister’s grave. I’ve told Emily of my feelings toward her best mate, which she urges I make known.
I’ve been studying and with Emily’s help, I now speak fluent ‘80s. I know almost every song—well, every important song from that era, and I can recite the lyrics, and in most cases, I can even sing it. I long to be Sara’s everything, not just her lover and partner. I must be her best mate and whatever language she speaks, I ought to speak as well. Tomorrow will be the one-year anniversary of our lives colliding at that restaurant within The Pierre hotel in New York City. I have a bloody plan that I can’t wait to finally reveal to her. Tomorrow will be brilliant.
“Take On Me” by A-Ha
You know you love someone when the thought of something bad happening to them paralyzes and hurts you more than the thought of anything bad happening to you. I had it all fucking figured out. Got dolled-up like a loon with my gift and speech and all systems were set to go, and yet I never once stopped to ponder that something could happen to her. That perhaps there were circumstances beyond my reach.
I don’t bloody know where she is; it’s not like her to not come home this late. She left work at noon and nobody—I mean, not one goddamn human—knows where Sara is. Emily and Louis are running around London trying to find her and I’ve been here, pacing aimlessly by her door for the past seven hours, scared to hell with my mind racing a million miles away. I’ve already called the police, they’re on alert, but they can’t claim her officially missing until twenty-four hours from the last