out of my daze by the sound of Jeff laughing. I tear my gaze from Liam’s to see Jeff shaking his head, and I know my bubble is about to burst with his next words. Liam fired the first shot and nothing can stop the war now.
“I Ran” by A Flock of Seagulls
She finally comes around and I can’t tell how long I’ve held her in my arms like a helpless, sleeping child. I care so much about her and my heart hasn’t stopped trying to climb out of my chest since I saw her collapse. I thought he hit her. I was ready to kill him. I was going to kill him if I didn’t have the cathartic need to hold on to her and make sure she was all right. My beautiful ballerina lay broken on the floor thanks to him. I don’t think it’s possible for me to let her go anymore. Even if she begs me, I don’t suppose I could leave her.
How can I not have a life with her? I can give Sara a life, a bloody good life, and she can be my reason for getting up every morning. Isn’t that what it’s all about? Finding someone to love who loves you back? Isn’t that what Isa wanted from Louis? Isn’t that what Emily feared she’d lost? This despicable excuse for a man thinks he has claim to her. She’s mine! I went through hell to find her and I’ll go through hell to keep her and make her happy.
This worthless stag has been pacing the room like a caged animal. He won’t leave until she tells him to beat it. She needs to be strong enough to tell him to go scratch and leave us. God, I promise I’ll be good to her. All she needs to do is choose me, please let her choose anything but him.
He laughs like a deranged clown and I see the fear in his eyes at the realization that he’s lost her.
“Oh, that’s beautiful, dude. It must be nice living inside your delusional head. Did Sara also tell you that I’m the only one she’s ever had inside her? I’m her first and last everything! Did she tell you she and I are indefinitely engaged? Did she tell you about our children?”
My ears ring deafly, the room starts to blur, and my last gulp of air is lodged in my chest. He’s still talking but I can’t hear a single word that comes out of his mouth. I look down at my broken ballerina, perfectly nestled in my arms, and she’s not looking at me anymore. Her eyes are closed and I see the tears running down her cheeks, feeling their warmth as they spill on my chest, and that’s enough. We don’t need words. I close my eyes and force a bloody smile, imploring my fake grin to make my own tears disappear. It’s all I need to know; she’s not my broken ballerina, she’s his.
I kiss the top of her head and stand up with her in my arms. I make a pledge to never look into those eyes again; they don’t belong to me. Jeffery Rossi is now seated on the bed, looking pleased with himself, no doubt recognizing the carnage he just caused and enjoying his victory. I look behind him at the bed he’s occupying, the bed that only moments—or maybe it was ages—ago held so much promise. I walk a few painful steps over to him and lay her in his arms where she belongs, handing over to him my little crumb of hope. I won’t look at her or him.
I always lose. Why should this be any different? I find my trousers and dress myself as fast as my pride will allow. I won’t look at him holding her, I won’t. Life is just a handful of moments like this that remind you of how alone you really are.
I walk out of the room as I slowly allow the noise to filter back into my head. Sara cries and calls after me while Jeffery yells at her to calm down. I just need to bloody get myself far away from here and her, before whatever is left of me breaks down. What’s left of me is just an empty shell that needs to go home to die in dignity. My body is leaving her but my heart is already long gone.