“Ricky…” I said slowly, the idea still taking shape in my mind. “What if … I had a party?”
Ricky looked at me like I was crazy. “What?”
“My parents are going out of town this weekend, for their anniversary. I could have people over.” I paused, trying to make my intentions clear. “Not a ton of people, but enough that Tucker and his friends coming won’t seem like a big deal.”
Ricky’s eyes were wide. “Are you for real, Codi?”
I laughed, surprising myself. “Yeah, I am. My brother’s sleeping at a friend’s house Saturday night, so we could do it then.”
His face broke into a slow, true smile. “Shit. That could actually work.”
“Yeah, it could.” I looked hard at him. “You gotta go for it, though.”
“I will,” he promised.
We grinned at each other, giddy with our own brilliance. Then Ricky asked me something that had been in the back of my mind all along.
“What about Lydia?”
My heart fell as suddenly as it had lifted. “What about her?”
“What do you mean, ‘What about her’? Have you talked to her?”
“No, not since that night. I don’t know how to explain myself to her.”
Ricky narrowed his eyes at me. “Didn’t you hear yourself a minute ago? All that stuff you said about telling yourself the wrong story? Okay, so you got spooked on the swings, but so what? That was just a small version of you. It wasn’t the real you. The real you wants to be with her, so go be with her.”
I wanted so badly to believe him. “But what if I screw it up again? What if I can’t handle it?”
“You can handle it, trust me.” He paused, then rolled onto his side, looking straight into my eyes. “Look, do you wanna know how I saw you the night we met? There I was, thrilled to be making out with this guy, when a girl walks up on us and throws everything for a loop. And then the guy runs away, and the next thing I know, my hand is throbbing and bleeding and it’s my own fucking fault. But you know what this girl does? She pulls me out of it, looks me straight in the eye, and tells me that she likes girls like it’s the easiest thing in the world to say, like we’re the normal ones and the guy who abandoned me just hasn’t figured it out yet. Then she walks me back to my party so I don’t feel so alone. And when I ask her to show me mercy one more time, she goes into the party by herself, even though she’s clearly nervous about it, just so she can bring me some bandages.”
I hung on his every word, my breath catching in my chest.
“This girl took a bad situation and made it better. She showed up for me, she let me see who she was, and she gave me hope that one day I could let other people see who I was, too. And I swear to you that Lydia sees this same girl, Codi, and she’ll be thrilled as hell when you realize that you deserve good things just like everyone else does.”
Now there were tears in my eyes. I breathed against them, grateful and awed. Ricky smiled at me, and we lay there on the floor, talking until all the bad stuff drained away.
17
The next morning, I took a long shower and blow-dried my hair. I picked out one of my favorite outfits. I opened my curtains and looked out at the lush green yards on my street. And after I stood there for a minute, taking it all in, I made a phone call.
“Codi?”
Lydia sounded surprised. I tried to keep my voice from shaking.
“Hi. Um … I know this is out of nowhere, but … could I come see you?”
She was quiet for a long beat. “Right now?”
“Yeah. I wanted to … um … talk to you. I mean, if you’re free. Are you working?”
It sounded like she was walking somewhere. I heard something creak, and then it was quiet again.
“I’m actually not home,” Lydia said. “I mean, like, I’m not in Atlanta.”
“You’re not?”
“No, I’m at my aunt’s house in Michigan. The whole family’s here.” She paused. “My mom made me bring your portrait. She wanted everyone to see.”
“You’re kidding.”
“They all thought it was amazing.”
Every other time Lydia had complimented my artwork, she’d sounded joyful and energized; this time, she sounded meek. It made