She understood, I think. She gave me my head and sent me off.”
“Sounds Transition-y to me.” Ben finished the braid, secured it with a strand of her hair, and turned her around. “What happened after you left home?”
“I had a blast hiking through the mountains and down to the coast on my own. I could run or walk as far as I wanted every day. I’d brought my telescope with me, and I’d set it up in the evening, spending the whole night gazing at the stars. People fed me and gave me a place to nap along the way—sometimes they were other Tuil Erdannan, or hoch alfar, sometimes dokk alfar if I stumbled across them. They were all hospitable to me.”
“Of course they were. They figured Lady Aisling would blast them into dust if they refused you shelter. Or you would.”
She shook her head. “Tuil Erdannan believe everyone gives them awe and reverence, but I think the others are simply terrified. I did have the urge to fight anyone who crossed me, but I made myself leave them alone. I’d witnessed the damage my father did to those who opposed them, and I vowed not to be like him. I wasn’t always successful. There was one incident …”
Rhianne trailed off. She’d tried to forget it, but every once in a while it rose to haunt her.
“Tell me,” Ben said, his tone gentle but firm.
Rhianne swallowed. “A hoch alfar tried to seduce me, in exchange for his assistance. He’d allowed me his tent—he was a soldier out on a training exercise. I asked for a meal, which he gave me, and a place to sleep. Then he came at me, telling me exactly what he wanted to do to me. I broke most of his bones. He screamed. A lot.”
“I can’t say I have a ton of sympathy for the guy.” Ben scowled. “One of the bones I’d have broken was his neck. Did you kill him?”
“No.” Rhianne cringed inwardly at the memory. “But it scared me how strong I was. How I could have done that to another living being. I was so afraid it was my father in me. I ran off, but I told another group of hoch alfar that their colleague had been hurt and they needed to tend him. I never learned his fate.”
“Hmm.” Ben put soothing hands on her shoulders. “I think the lady Shifter in you was to blame, rather than the Tuil Erdannan. Men mess with female Shifters at their peril.”
“Is there a difference?”
“Hell, yes. Your dad—let’s call him your stepdad—breaks people for the fun of it, or to teach them obedience to him. A female Shifter fights in self-defense. You didn’t want this hoch alfar’s slimy hands on you, and in your Transition state, you didn’t have a lot of control. So you struck.” A smile flickered over his mouth. “Damn, I wish I’d seen that.”
“No, you don’t. It was horrible.”
“Is this why you didn’t reduce Walther’s thugs to dust when they groped at you? Scared you’d go all bone-crusher again?”
Rhianne hadn’t thought it through consciously, but now she nodded. “Ever since that night, I fought my temper and my own strength. I didn’t want to become like my father.”
Tears pricked her eyes, and she blinked them away. She was finished with crying.
“Good news.” Ben rubbed her arms. “You don’t have to worry about being like Ivor the Terrible anymore. You have to worry about being like your true father, I guess, but if he’s anything like you, he’s a real peach.”
“Peach?” Human expressions were so strange.
“A good dude. Awesome Shifter. He’d be someone I’d want at my side.”
“The question remains—who is he?” Rhianne’s anger seeped in. “And why did my mother hide him from me all these years?”
“I have the feeling she didn’t so much hide him from you as from your stepfather. What would Ivor have done if he’d known you weren’t his? What would he have done with the Shifter who’d had a liaison with your mom?”
Rhianne shuddered. “Taken him apart. And probably me too.” She let out a breath. “I wonder if he did find out. Recently, I mean. It would explain why he was willing to let his own daughter be captured and forced into a marriage with a hoch alfar lord. If I’m not his offspring, why should he care what happens to me? Why not use me for his own purpose?”
“Makes sense.” Ben massaged her shoulders once more and released her. “The question is,