“Because, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not a very nice guy.”
“Yeah, you’re a real terror, Gage. Coming back and trying to make things right.”
“You’re not going to start giving me credit now, are you? Because the last time we discussed this, you made it pretty clear I didn’t deserve any.”
She shifted against him. “Well, maybe I don’t think that now.”
“That’s the sex talking.”
“I don’t think so. I mean, the sex is pretty good, I’ll give you that. But I’m not an idiot. And a few orgasms are hardly going to change my thought process.”
“You’re wrong about that. It changes everyone’s. It’s why men like my father are somehow able to walk around with their heads held high while they treat every woman in their lives like absolute garbage.” He let out a heavy breath. “They think they deserve something better, they think they’re above any kind of consequence. They’re buried so balls deep in their own bullshit they can’t see past it.”
“I guarantee you I’m not buried balls deep in anything,” she said, keeping her tone deliberately dry.
“I’m just saying, I’m not sure that you’re in the best position to absolve me right now.”
“I’m not offering you absolution, you idiot. It’s not about that. It’s not about whether or not I can magically wave a wand and make you good or valuable or worthy, or whatever crap you’re thinking. It’s just that you’re not a bad man. You did a bad thing. For all I know you’ve done a lot of bad things. But the bottom line is that, when your family needed you, you came back. And you never had to look me up. Ever. You gave me money. You want to make sure that I can retain my business. If you are all bad, you never would have done that. And you know what? I’m a little offended by the characterization. Because that means you think I’m stupid enough to sleep with a very bad man just because he’s hot.”
He laughed and the sound scraped against her raw nerves. “Oh, honey, why do you think bad men get laid so much?” He leaned in, brushing his thumb over her nipple. “It’s because we know how to make this more important than anything else on earth.”
She shivered wiggling out of his hold. “Okay, maybe you’re not Saint Colton West, but you’re not a terrible person. And walking around claiming it like that? That’s just a shield. You’re using it to protect you, to make it so that if you do mess things up, you can take a step back and shrug your shoulders and say that you made sure everybody knew what an awful person you were so they can’t be surprised when you messed it all up. But that’s just crap. And it’s you being scared.”
He tightened his hold on her. “Are you calling me a coward?”
“Yeah, pretty much.”
“Baby, I used to ride bulls for money. I’m the furthest thing from a coward you’re going to find.”
“It’s not really all that impressive that a man who is unquestionably self-destructive is willing to throw himself on the back of thousand-pound animal and get thrown around an arena. You’re pretty badass physically because you don’t care about what happens to you. Not when it comes to that stuff. But, you’re afraid to deal with your family. Have been for the past seventeen years. In fact, sometimes I wonder a little bit if the only reason you’re dealing with me is that it’s a great distraction from them.”
He growled, rolling over so that he was on top of her, his hard length pressing against that tender place between her thighs. “Does this feel like a distraction to you?”
“I’m pretty distracted,” she said, her voice much more breathless than she would like it to be. She couldn’t hide from him. That was a problem. But with his hard body pushing her deep into the mattress, and all the delicious sensations it fired off inside her, she couldn’t bring herself to do much about it at the moment.
“You’re not just a distraction. You are the reason I decided I needed to change myself.”
“Not me,” she said, reaching up and touching the deep groove that bracketed his mouth. “The idea of me. But, you didn’t know me. I didn’t change anything. You were the one that made all the changes, Gage.”