jaw to his lips before returning her hand to her lap, much to his disappointment.
“I can’t. I can’t feel this way. I have to go back,” she whispered with such anguish that it made his own heart ache. “I have to go back.”
“Alyah,” his voice broke as he stared into her eyes, “please, please do not abandon us. I am begging you.”
Her eyes were wet with tears and her chin quivered as she said, “I have to go back to Earth, no matter how much I wish I could just stay with you. I understand how lucky I am that we found each other. I’ve learned…absorbed…whatever, from my crystal implant that the life of a Matriarch is considered a great honor and prize. No, not a prize, argh—it’s so hard to describe what I’m trying to say.”
He held her hands again, unable to resist the urge to sooth her. “Is there any chance we will be able to convince you to stay? That bonding to us is not a fate worse than death?”
Her blue green eyes met his own, tears gathering in the corners. “Chel, I already like you. A lot. More than I ever thought I would. I even like Gwarnon, when he isn’t being a robotic douche. I feel things for you both that I’ve never experienced before. Powerful things. And, God knows, you’re so hot, I could stare at you all day and the sight would never grow old. The fact that you want to be with me is still surreal, but I’m starting to think this soul bond bullshit isn’t bullshit. I’m starting to think it’s very real, and I don’t know if that scares me more or makes me insanely happy. Every woman—hell, every person—wants to find the love of their life. I just never thought the love of my life might be two guys.”
“You love us?”
She shook her head in denial, her golden curls catching the light. “I don’t know what I feel. I just know that I think about you all the time. Even when I should be worried about the upcoming fight, when I have a million other things I could be thinking about, I find myself thinking of you. I even dream of you.”
He gently gripped her hands in his own, giving them a squeeze as he said, “Good dreams?”
She licked her lips in a way that left no doubt as to the nature of these dreams. “Very. But it still doesn’t change the fact that things are…complicated right now.”
Hating the reality of their situation, he nodded. “Complicated is a good word to describe this.”
The smile she gave him held a hint of relief, and her hands relaxed in his, making his muscles do the same. “Thank you for taking the time to explain stuff to me. And for cluing me in on Gwarnon.”
“I will always be here for you, Lacey. To talk about anything you wish.” Part of him wanted to ask her for the kiss that would Transform her, but his instincts told him to wait, that the time wasn’t yet right. “And, speaking of Gwarnon, we should probably head back before he gets too jealous.”
Instead of laughing, a frown line appeared between Lacey’s eyebrows. “Why would he be jealous? It’s not like we did anything.”
“You let me hold your hand. You touched my face.”
A light pink flush hit her high, wide cheekbones as her gaze flickered up to his. “So?”
“Other than training, you never willingly let either of us show our physical affection for you.” He deliberately slipped his hand into hers, warmth instantly filling him as touch strengthened the bond between them. “And Gwarnon is jealous because he was deprived of a loving touch when he was a child. He craves affection and has looked forward to the day when he finally had his alyah and could shower her with all the love he has to give. Love his mother rejected.”
Lacey looked down at their joined hands, a confusing sense of guilt, anger, and a growing sense of determination filtering through their bond.
“And I’ve rejected his love as well. Insulted and badgered him, made him go cold.” Lacey’s shoulders slumped. “Hurt him just to be a bitch.”
“You didn’t know about his youth or his family.”
She continued to stare at their hands, her bond closing off bit by bit until he could barely feel her anymore. All he could sense was that she’d come to some kind of decision. “I’ll make this right.”
“What are—?”
A high-level message pinged at