He might as well have buried one of his bloody knives deep in my heart. That was the problem—it was his blood, his breath, everything about him now wreaking havoc on my system. Permanently intertwining with my own, mixing and melding to be a part of me I could never extract.
“With time, this memory will fade,” Noc said in a slow and measured way, as if trying to convince both of us. “You’ll forget about this mess. You’ll forget about me, about Cruor, and it will be for the best.” He made a move to the door, resting his hand on the bronze fixture so he could let me out.
My feet refused to move, and I spoke to his retreating figure, to the back I’d become so familiar with. “You’re wrong.”
I’d never forget him. He was a damn earthquake, and his aftershock would quake through me for the rest of my life.
Voice exasperated, he refused to turn back to me. “I wish I were.”
“Is this because of the curse? Noc, I’m fine. I told you, I don’t have feelings for you.”
“Gods dammit, Leena!” He stalked away from the door, pacing at the foot of his bed. Wild black eyes full of fury and desire threatened to swallow me whole. “This isn’t something you can just lie about! Hide it with some makeup and pretend everything is all right.”
“For fuck’s sake.” I whirled on him. “Stop berating me and just talk to me.”
Noc rubbed his temples. Voice thick, he answered me without meeting my stare. “I am talking to you.”
“You’re yelling at me.”
“I’m protecting you.” He took a long, steadying breath. Sank onto the bed and cradled his head in his hands. “I need to be cold. The proof of my curse is already showing—the dark bruises. The chapped lips. The cough. We’re dangerously close to the fever, and at that point, I won’t be able to stop it.”
My retort died as I recalled the first time I’d noticed the bruises. The cracking lips. Was I really that close to death? A chill swept through me. Voice soft, I studied my hands as the gravity of the situation took hold. “Your curse works in stages.”
“Yes.” Hard eyes skewered me. “And apparently, your feelings are stronger than you let on.”
“Yours must be, too, then.” It was stupid that, for a fleeting moment, I was happy. Elated to know that I wasn’t alone in this swirling, confusing mess of emotions. But if he didn’t shut me out completely, it wouldn’t matter. My eyes burned with unshed tears. How cruel was this? Death or a broken heart. Why were those my choices?
His stoic face cracked, a glimmer of hurt streaking through his eyes, and he shook his head once. “It doesn’t matter. Can’t you see now why I need a Gyss?”
A Gyss. Of course. It was all beginning to make sense. Another option. One that hinted at a possible future, but held unknown and likely devastating consequences. “Isn’t there another way? A safer way?”
“I’ve tried everything. Save this. If there’s another beast that can do it, I’m all ears.”
I didn’t know of a beast that could eradicate a curse that ran so deep. Perhaps a Council member with a more robust bestiary would know, but since leaving Hireath, my resources had dwindled. “No. Not that I know of.”
“Can we get on with it, then?” He stood, glanced out at the ocean. His sudden detachment after being so close cut deep. I knew if I reached out now, tried to touch him, he’d only move away. Reject me. If only to keep me breathing.
My heart twisted at the choices before me: death, heartbreak, or a Gyss. I couldn’t even imagine the type of payment required to remove something like this. But it was up to him to decide if the risk merited the reward. If anything, wishing with the help of a Gyss would only protect me further if he did succeed. Maybe then we could have something more…
I coughed, and Noc’s gaze riveted to me.
I didn’t know what was worse—that these feelings could condemn me to death, or that I was about to do the very thing I’d promised myself I’d never do again: give a Gyss to a man I cared for.
Dropping my gaze to the floor, I finally gave in. “Tomorrow. We’ll leave at dawn if we want to catch one in time.”
Twenty-three
Noc
We rode hard into the late afternoon, veering off the beaten path to Eastrend