times we feel that we’ve been abandoned when somebody in our life has died,” she corrected him gently. “You’re still the child who was left behind when she left without you.”
“But she didn’t want to,” he said rather desperately, feeling something tweak inside himself.
“Of course not,” she said with a gentle smile. “That’s a given. But it doesn’t mean that, deep down, that little boy didn’t feel like you were supposed to go with her. Or that your life would have been forever different if she hadn’t left you.”
“That’s true,” he said.
“Then we come to your father,” she said. “Somebody you’re still very angry with, over his treatment of you. And he’s dared to come back into your life to try to create a relationship in order to make himself feel better, when, as far as you’re concerned, that relationship’s already long been dead, done, and over with.”
He just stared at her. “How did you figure all that out?”
“My job is to understand people,” she said gently. “And really? You’re not any different than the others. We all have hurts. We all are works in progress.”
“Ouch,” he said. “I was thinking I was very different.”
“When you arrived, you didn’t care what happened,” she said. “You were morose, brooding, and moody,” she said. “But why?”
“I don’t know,” he said. “I just didn’t care.”
“Why didn’t you care?”
“Because—” and he stopped. He sank back in the chair. “I don’t know.”
“That’s fine,” she said, “but I want you to think about it over the next few days and see what answer might rise to the surface.”
“What if no answer rises?” he asked bitterly. “I came here to get answers.”
“I don’t have answers for you,” she said in surprise. “You’re the one with the answers.”
“But what if I don’t have this answer?” he asked.
“Then you’re not looking in the right place.”
Chapter 13
It was an odd thing to realize, when she had coffee with Keith, just how addicted she was to being in his presence. And just how much she wanted to be with him. How much she wanted to take this relationship to the next level. Whatever that meant. And so, when he spoke about leaving, her heart just surged.
Of course he would leave at some point. She too was grateful that it wouldn’t be anytime soon, but she could also see he’d been thinking about it. And so he should. This wasn’t just his life; this was her life. But it didn’t have to be quite so crazy of a life. She was the one who had made it that way. But the thought of him leaving left a great big gaping hole in her heart.
She’d been off now for a couple days. Mentally off and physically off. She had worked hard to hide it, but it was obvious by the looks of everybody around her that they were walking on tiptoes, trying to figure out just what was going on. She didn’t have an answer for them. It seemed like she didn’t have any answers for anybody these days, and that was apparently how Keith felt too.
She didn’t see a shrink. She didn’t go through therapy or any of the other million treatments that they went through here. She was just the person who provided food. But she could see how much the food meant to the staff but mostly to the patients, when she saw their progress throughout the weeks. But she also saw men come and men go, and maybe that’s why she had avoided relationships here and elsewhere—because she didn’t like the leaving part.
It felt wrong to get involved with somebody only to say goodbye. As she stared down at her hands, holding the great big bowl of dough in front of her, she realized she didn’t want to say goodbye. That was the difference this time. She really didn’t want to say goodbye. So, in a way, she wished she hadn’t even said hello. But it was too late for that. She couldn’t put this genie back in the bottle, and it was definitely something she would have to find a way to work around. Relationships work for all kinds of people, in all kinds of ways. She just had to find what would work for them.
The trouble was, she didn’t even know where he lived permanently. People came here from all across the country. If he would be local, that was a whole different story, but, if he was returning to somewhere else, she wasn’t sure what she