she said she was working on it. She apologized to me over and over, drunk off her ass, looking like a complete fucking mess.” He shook his head to himself and scrubbed his hands over his face. “Shortly before Anna turned one, Mom blew his brains out with his own hunting rifle.”
Holy hell.
That one stunned me. Even knowing that a prison sentence had been involved, no one could’ve prepared me for that.
I swallowed dryly and wondered if I should pour him some rum. Or perhaps that was in poor taste, considering the theme of the story.
“A few of us testified in her defense,” he said tiredly. “She had coworkers who knew he’d been abusive too, so the lawyer managed to get it reduced to manslaughter. There was no evidence to support first-degree murder, but there was some doubt that it was strictly self-defense. Which it hadn’t been. So, she went to prison.”
She’d been gone six years, if I remembered correctly.
“She knew she’d been part of the problem.” Peyton cleared his throat. “She begged for forgiveness for leaving me alone with Anna—but she said she had to take herself out of the equation too.”
I had no words. Wanting to show him that I wasn’t going anywhere, I gathered his hand in both of mine and pressed my lips to his knuckles.
I couldn’t imagine what it must’ve felt like.
“This doesn’t bother you at all?” He seemed to ask just to make sure.
“Of course it bothers me, Peyton. It bothers me that you had to go through this—all of you.”
“Right, but—” He sighed and stared at me. “What would your parents think?”
I blinked.
Then I couldn’t help but laugh. I kept it short and managed to contain it with a cough, but goddamn.
“Some people care about these things,” he argued. “You’ve told me your folks are fancy as shit.”
I hadn’t used those words, but that was neither here nor there. “First of all,” I said with a chuckle, “they dine with Kennedys, not Romneys. Second of all, even if they were dining with the Queen of England and had a list of demands for me, it wouldn’t matter. They’ve never had that kind of hold on me.” I paused. “There isn’t a soul I would hide our relationship for. That said, I believe you will want us to stay under the radar at the office for a while. Because even if I made us exempt from the no-fraternization rule or scrapped it altogether, office gossip can get vicious, and you may want some form of a social life in Boston.”
He nodded and stared at our joined hands.
He had a lot on his mind, I could tell, and I wanted him to get back on topic. He hadn’t finished his story.
I pushed back a piece of his hair and brushed my thumb over his cheek. “Did your mother go to rehab before or after she’d been to prison?”
“After.” He didn’t look up from our hands. “It’s part of the trust issues I have today. She’s been to rehab twice since getting out, and she tried to hide the problems both times.” He swallowed. “I’m not being entirely fair to her. The first time, she was just overwhelmed and trying to catch up. She didn’t want me to lift a finger—or rather, she wanted me to focus on my own life for once, so she worked all hours of the day, pretty much.”
“She handled the stress with alcohol,” I guessed.
He dipped his chin. “Second time was shame. She felt like a failure, and instead of talking to me about it—which she said would be to burden me—” he rolled his eyes “—she hit the bottle. And just like the first time, I found out eventually, and I shipped her off to rehab.”
My God. My heart went out to him. I hadn’t been in his shoes, or remotely close to being there, and even I felt a pang of betrayal and hopelessness.
“Part of me keeps waiting for the next time, you know?” He withdrew from my touch and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s why it’s not really fair of me. All that happened in a pretty short period of time after she got out. She’s been sober for over three years now.”
“Three years isn’t very long when compared to everything you’ve been through,” I reasoned.
“Maybe,” he conceded. “But it’s different this time. She took night classes and got a better job at the hospital. She was a nurse before—now she has a more administrative role.