We sit there until the sun starts to set. Both of us sit in complete silence except for our tears that get wiped away and the occasional sniffle. Eventually, he pulls me up and I stand there, facing him, my body pressed against him and I realize that I want all of this. I want to keep loving Mark and Andrew, and love Zack.
I want it to be possible. I need it to be.
I cry again. I can’t help it. Mia was right. The rest of all my worries between us are insignificant. Where we live, how we see each other; none of it matters. The only thing that matters is that we love each other.
Chapter Fourteen
We stop and pick up my favorite pad thai on our way home. I smile again at the memory of just a few weeks ago. Was it really only six weeks ago I met Zack? It feels like a lifetime. So much has changed since then.
“God it’s good to see you Nicole.” He swoops me up into a large hug as soon as we get back to my condo. It feels so good to have this lighthearted moment after the tense and emotional afternoon.
“It’s good to see you, too.” I pull him tighter and look straight into his eyes. “I love you.” It’s the first time I say it to him directly.
I mean every word.
Our kiss is tender when he leans down and presses his lips to mine. I want to treasure it and remember it with every fiber of my being. Neither of us pushes it any further. It’s a simple kiss, but speaks of promises, and forgiveness.
“I love you too,” he whispers into my ear when he pulls away.
We eat our dinner and he tells me about the rest of the tour. I know there’s more to talk about, but for now, it feels good; normal, to talk about regular life. Even though his life still isn’t normal. This is close enough. When I ask him about Ethan, his eyes flash in anger.
He shakes his head. “I didn’t want it to end that way. But he got bad, really quick this time. He spent a couple nights at a hospital there in detox and then I fired him.” He looks almost ashamed to admit he fired Ethan. I think he had to, even if it was hard. “I told him he could come back if he goes to rehab. He told me screw off – well, a bit more harshly than that.”
“I’m sorry.”
He shrugs like he’s okay with this even though I know he’s not. There was tension between the two; but Zack cares too much about the guys in his band to simply not care about Ethan. “I’ll probably have to find a new band member when we head back to the studio.”
He eyes me speculatively for a split second and then he goes back to eating. When we’re done eating and the kitchen is cleaned, we go to the living room with a glass of wine and snuggle up next to each other.
“I saw Natalie Linscum this morning, before you got here.” Had that really been today? It feels like so much has happened. He furrows his eyebrows and I realize he doesn’t know who I’m talking about.
“She’s the governor’s wife. I wanted to see her, to tell her that I forgive her and Sarah for everything.” I take a sip of my wine, slowly, in an effort to remain calm.
“Do you?” he asks with widened eyes.
I shrug and then wipe my hand across my forehead, before taking a deep breath. “I do. It’s hard, but I just don’t want to be afraid anymore. Or bitter and angry. Forgiving them is the only choice I have.”
He pulls me closer to him and rests his chin on my head. We sit silently for a few minutes when I decide to tell him more.
“Sarah wants to speak at some high schools about her story. She wants to tell other high school students so they’ll be smarter about the decisions they make.”
“That sounds really brave of her.” I let out a soft sigh at his gentle tone. He comforts me. How could I have ever thought to let this man go? “How do you feel about this?”
“At first, I was really angry. But then, I don’t know, something changed. If she can save one person from experiencing what both of our families have gone