just holding it could make it break into a hundred pieces. "This is Mark and my son, Andrew. I took this at my parent’s house just two weeks before they died."
“They’re beautiful.”
“Yeah…they are. Or were.” I walk over to the windows along one wall needing some space and more time to figure out what else to say. For several minutes I just stare out over the city. My view is amazing, and one of the main reasons I bought this place. I can practically see the entire city from here, including a park where I take my photography clients. The view calmed me the instant I looked at this place and right now, I need it to calm me again. I place one hand on the warm glass, hoping it will help.
“Mark and I met in college during our sophomore year. Mia is actually the one who introduced us. It took one cup of late night coffee and I was done for. After that night we were inseparable. We were married two weeks after college graduation, bought a house in the suburbs, and Andrew was born less than a year later.
"Last summer, Andrew was playing baseball and the night of his last game, I had the flu and couldn't go watch. After the game, they stopped at Dairy Queen to celebrate and on their way home, a car crossed the yellow lines. The impact from the SUV threw Mark's car into a ditch rolling it several times. They died instantly." I don’t go into the specifics of the horrific photos I saw of the crash. The way that Andrew’s car seat was thrown from the window of the car because it apparently hadn’t been installed correctly. I close my eyes and try to forget the agony and wretched scream that left my mouth when I collapsed onto my knees the first time I saw their bodies in the morgue. I can still hear the noise today; a noise that sounded more like an animal than anything that could have ever left my lips. I pinch the bridge of my nose with my thumb and forefinger in an effort to calm myself down before my emotions take over completely.
"Oh shit....." I cut him off by holding out a hand telling him to stop but not turning my face away from the windows.
"I don’t want your pity, Zack.”
His skin is warm when he places his finger on my jaw. I flinch slightly from the contact but he doesn’t let go. I’m not even sure I want him to. With his thumb, just barely touching my chin, he pulls my face towards him gently until we’re facing each other. Pure genuine sadness covers every one of his features. I bite my inner cheek to keep my tears, and all the emotions I’m feeling for him at bay.
“I don’t pity you, Nicole. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve gone through.”
I lean into his hand, thankful he didn’t pull away. It’s as if he senses I need someone to touch me; to hold me and to soothe me, but too much would scare me away. Eventually I take a small step back, instantly aching at the loss of contact with him.
“That sound check of yours last week was the first time I've been out, socially, besides just my dinners with Mia. I didn't mean to cause such a scene, the music was just so overwhelming for me and brought back so many memories of Mark...we used to love going to concerts. That song you sang….” My voice trails off as I wait for him to realize which one I’m talking about. The one that caused me to run out of the stadium like a lunatic. “The night of the accident, they were dancing that song in our living room right before they left for Andrew’s game.”
I watch as understanding finally fills his eyes. “That’s why you don’t listen to music anymore.”
I nod sadly. It’s a part of it, but I leave the rest alone for now. He knows my reasons for my hesitancy over the last few days. It’s all out there, well, most of it is, but the rest can come with time. Except, he’s leaving and there isn’t time, so a part of me is glad I didn’t share too much. This is more than I have told anyone since the accident and I’m amazed I am not more of a wreck.