transported back to my living room of my old house, with my family. I watch Mark in our living room swinging Andrew around while dancing to the radio. His hair swings around his face, his eyes shining while we laugh at Andrew and how he awkwardly wiggles his hips to try to keep the beat. His shaggy brown hair flies out, flopping around as Mark tosses him into the air.
“…but I love you….it’s all for you….”
Mark’s brown eyes dance with joy as he swings Andrew in his arms to the song. He stalks toward me and bends down so our eyes are level, singing all the words to his new favorite song.
“….it’s all for you…..forever and all of my days. Your soft skin…”
I snort pathetically. “If I didn’t feel so sick right now I’d kiss you.”
“Come on, dad…..dance!” Andrew tugs Mark’s arm as we look into each other’s eyes. It doesn’t matter how long we’ve been married, he still looks at me like he did after our very first kiss. I feel like the most special and treasured gift in the world.
He leans in and kisses me again before turning and throwing Andrew so high into the air his head almost hits the ceiling. I lay on the couch, covered in a thick covered blanket, shaking and sweating from the fever. Having the flu in June is miserable. I shudder from the sickness, but refuse to take my eyes off my boys, dancing around to Mark’s favorite new song.
When the song ends, Mark sends Andrew to get his baseball cleats on.
He leans down for one last kiss. “Take a nap and I’ll bring you ice cream home later. Maybe that will help. I love you.” He winks at me, knowing my one weakness is a hot fudge sundae. He knows me perfectly and I love his thoughtfulness.
“Be safe and have fun.” I wave to them tiredly.
I let Mark kiss me one more time before kissing Andrew. “Do your best, slugger and have a blast.”
“Love you mommy.”
The door clicks behind them, but I barely hear it before I drift off into a flu-induced coma.
I sit there, gasping, as I watch the vision play out before me. The huge indoor stadium becomes small and cramped. I need air.
Before I can say anything to Mia, I’m running down the main aisle towards the back where Mia and I had walked in earlier. I throw myself through the back doors looking around. I gasp for breath – simply trying not to pass out when I crouch over and put my hands on my knees. All I can see is Mark and Andrew. I close my eyes trying to take deep breaths, but all I see when I close my eyes are their smiles and their eyes sparkling in joy, and the reminder that I forgot to tell them the very most important thing in the world.
I don't move when I feel an arm come around my shoulder, but I begin to hear Mia whispering in my ear, "Shhhh....it's okay, Nic. I'm here."
One hand moves to my cheek as she wipes tears off my face. She quietly repeats herself into my ear and holds me tightly. I let her pull me up and into her arms as she surrounds me with one of her loving hugs, while I struggle to find the words to speak.
Still gasping for breath, I try to explain myself, "I never told them I loved them…”
"Oh honey, I'm so sorry." Mia continues to hold me until I feel myself finally begin to calm in her presence. "They knew, Nic. You know they knew how much you loved them."
I have no idea how much time passes before my breathing slows enough to nod my head and let her go. I look at her, slightly hunched over with my arms hugging myself still trying to find comfort.
"I can't believe I just ran out of there like that."
I turn my head behind us when I hear the sound of a door clicking shut. Completely mortified, I see Zack standing there, leaning back against the wall with a look on his face that I can’t quite place. I turn away from him, back to Mia. "Bathroom. I need the bathroom."
Zack must have overheard. “It’s down the hall, second door on the left.”
Mia holds out her hand with my purse and hands it to me. I don't look back at Zack as I nod and walk