inner thighs that only you and I will know about. I want to suck your balls and tease your arsehole until you’re so mad with desire that you burst. I want to be the one to open you up for the first time and feel your breathless pants as you learn what it feels like to be filled.
“And then I want to lie, tangled and sweaty, with you, whispering secrets and laughing over nothing deep into the night. I want to share my heart and my dreams with you and hear everything you want to say to me in return. I want us to have secrets that no one else could possibly guess at, our own little world that no one else can touch. Say you want these things too, and I will move heaven and earth to give them to you. Yours eternally, N.”
Chapter 7
The letters continued for weeks, though a few of the dozens stood out in particular….
“My Darling N. There is nothing that I want more than to unravel the mysteries of the love that dare not speak its name with you. I don’t know if you are aware of how beautiful and desirable you are. There is a grace in the way you move that makes me hungry for you. The spark of intelligence in your eyes captivates me. I am fascinated by your neck, of all things, and want to kiss and bite it. I had only a glimpse of what it would feel like to explore your body with my hands the other night, but I want more. I want to learn every inch of you, discover what makes you shiver and sigh. I want your scent on my sheets and your laughter in my heart.
“There. I can write as beautifully as you when I put my mind to it. Though I’m certain it took me ten times as long to compose those words as it does for you to write the same to me. Don’t ever stop writing your beautiful words for me. They are like sweet tarts that melt in my mouth—as I hope you will someday soon—and fill me with happiness, which is especially important as it’s been so impossible for us to find time alone together. I have never cursed my schooling and social schedule so much in my life.
“I’m sorry for pretending to ignore you at Professor Carroll’s study group earlier. I panicked when John Dandie hinted that there might be anything other than friendship and a professional relationship between the two of us. And then I saw Ian fawning all over you yet again, and jealousy got the better of me. I know there could never be anything between you and Ian. He’s not like us, and he has his heart set on wooing Miss Cannon. But seeing you give even the slightest bit of attention to another man strikes a dark chord in me that I’m still confused by.
“We’ll sort this out soon, I’m certain. Until then, I count the minutes until our next rehearsal, and I may just have to relieve myself while thinking of you after sending this letter off. Yours in passion, B.”
“Dearest B. Forgive me for laughing over the idea of you being jealous of Ian, or any other man, where I am concerned. You can rest assured knowing there is no one else who has captivated my heart or who I want as desperately as I want you. I’m the one who should be jealous after seeing you accompanying Miss Cannon at the musicale Lady Fairport hosted this evening. Everyone was captivated by your playing, especially Miss Cannon. The way she smiled at you and flirted is everything I wish I could do publically, but we both know how impossible that would be.
“Your voice truly is the most sensual thing I’ve ever heard. There is a trueness and a resonance to it that goes straight to my soul…and other areas that are unmentionable and inconvenient in public. I could listen to you sing all day. I could listen to you sigh with pleasure and moan with bliss and call out my name as you come too. You have no idea how wicked it makes me feel to imagine all of the things I plan to introduce you to as soon as possible to cause those delicious sounds. You won’t be able to think of anything or anyone else for the rest of your days.
“I have to admit, it’s become rather fun in