it was. It is good for Angela to finally slow down enough to confront her grief. It’s been looking for her for a long while now, and she’s been running. Be patient with her. Love her anyway. I know you will. You have a kind spirit, Eva.”
A tear trailed down Eva’s nose, hanging on to the edge for a moment and then falling onto her mouth, salt tingeing her lips. “Thank you for saying that, Sherry.” She sighed. “But good intentions or not, I just don’t know what to do next. Brent always knew what to do.”
A bird cawed in the distance, and it sounded like a mixture between a small dog yipping and a cat meowing. The wildlife was so different in New Zealand.
Sherry remained quiet for a time. “I understand feeling lost when the love of your life is gone. I certainly was.”
“It’s more than that, though.” How could Eva put the utter devastation, the hole in her life, the loss of herself into words? Eva sat up, pulled her legs onto the chair, and hugged her knees. “Did I ever tell you that I knew he was the one for me the first day we met?”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and it wasn’t just the fact my breath hitched when his gaze first caught mine or how handsome he was. I could just sense a zest for life pulsing from his being. It was like he knew a secret the world didn’t, and he wanted to share it with whoever would listen.”
Eva closed her eyes for a moment, relishing the memory. She’d headed into her yoga class, and when she’d emerged sweaty and invigorated, she’d bumped into Brent. He’d steadied her—his hands clutching her upper arms—and stared deep into Eva’s eyes. She couldn’t even remember if he said anything out loud or if his soul simply spoke to hers.
All she knew was that evening she rushed home and in a daze threw together the most brilliant wedding bouquets she’d ever created.
Her eyes opened again. “He changed everything for me, Sherry. Once I met him, life burst with more color, more energy, more . . . everything.” Dare she say the rest? “Now I can see the rest of my life yawning before me. And it’s not good, not like it was. I . . . I’m afraid I’ll never be truly happy again.”
Sherry twisted in her chair to face Eva. Even in the dark, Eva could glimpse the depth of her mother-in-law’s compassion. “I am so glad my boy knew so much love from you. But happiness is fleeting.” She patted Eva’s knee. “It’s a feeling, an emotion, and when we have it, things are good. But it can go away just like that. Don’t aim for happiness. You’ll only be disappointed by life and people if you do.”
A sob bubbled in Eva’s throat. “So what do I aim for instead?”
“Joy, my dear girl. Aim for joy.”
What was the difference? “I don’t understand.”
“Joy isn’t based on emotion. It’s there no matter what’s going on in your life. You can have joy even when the world is falling apart.”
“How?” Something deep and desperate inside of her reached for the answer. “How can I have joy when my soul mate is dead? When I have nothing but his memory left?”
“Because joy isn’t dependent on you or even the good things in life, like a wonderful husband. It’s dependent on God, and on you being reconciled with him. It’s rooted in a deep knowing that no matter what happens in this life, you have someone you can hold on to even when you’re drowning.”
Sherry had often talked about her faith, and she’d clung to it in the hard times. It was a nice thought, that God might care, but he wasn’t here to speak words of love to her. He’d never held her in the late-morning hours and stroked her hair when she was sad. He’d never sat back and clapped, whistling in admiration when she’d stayed up all night creating the perfect bouquet.
That had all been Brent. A physical person she could grasp and hold and kiss and love.
She missed that. Needed that. Needed him.
A deep sigh expelled from her chest, and she imagined it pushing out across the water, disappearing and lingering all at the same time.
18
Finally, something was going right.
Angela bent over just outside the rental house, hands on her knees as she sucked in large gulps of air. She checked her watch and pumped her fist. “Yes!”
Marc and Eva ran