The Jock by J.L. Beck Page 0,71
fast as he gave everything to me, it’ll be taken away.” There is a hopelessness in his voice that I’ve never heard before. It’s like he is scared of his father, as if he feels small and weak against him. It’s a far cry from his big and strong exterior.
“I wish there was something I could do,” I say, dropping the wipes in the trash bin. Hearing his sorrow makes me feel completely helpless. He helped me break free from my perfectly bubbled life. I should be able to help him, to give back.
“You do so much already. You don’t even know it.”
“It doesn’t feel like it, and your nose doesn’t look like it.” I frown.
“That has nothing to do with you. Trust me, my dad does shit like this all the time. It would have happened, regardless. That’s just the way he is now. If my mom was still here, it would be different.”
I had always assumed something happened to his mother or that she wasn’t in the picture, but I had never thought she was dead. Pushing him to tell me more about his parents wasn’t something I wanted to do. I figured he would talk about it when he was ready, just like the football thing.
“Was he different when she was alive?”
“Much. He changed so much after she passed. I think he really loved her, and when he lost her, part of him was lost too. They were high school sweethearts. Continued dating in college. My dad was playing football, but then my mom got pregnant with me, and my dad was forced to quit so he could get a full-time job to provide for us.”
“And now he resents you for it?”
“Yes. You know why I don’t hit my father back? Because sometimes I think it’s my fault.”
Anger curls in my belly. “Don’t ever say that. None of that is your fault. Your father should not blame you for anything, and he shouldn’t treat you the way he does. You’re his son, not a doormat for him to take his frustrations out on.”
“He is just a sad man who lost all his dreams, and then the love of his life.”
“Are you forgetting that you lost your mom at the same time? And what about your dreams? He should be there for you, support you, instead of making your life harder.”
“I know. I just think he is too broken to take care of me. If I lost you, I think I’d be broken too.”
A couple of days later, and his words are still running on replay in my mind.
If I lost you, I think I’d be broken too.
I didn’t say it back to him or even agree, but I feel the same. I’m done fighting it. Cage is nothing like any of the guys my mom dates, and I’m not like my mom. I can’t keep living my life worried that I’ll make a mistake that will put me on a path to be just like my mother.
I am not her.
After we take a shower together, and Cage washes my hair and body for me, we get dressed. It isn’t until I’m rustling through my bag that I realize I’m almost out of clothes again.
“Ugh, I really need to get the rest of my stuff from the dorm.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back.
We never talked about me moving in here permanently. Cage offered it as a temporary thing, and even though in my mind, I already live here, I really can’t assume. That would be taking our relationship to the next level, and so soon after we just started dating.
“What all do you have there?” he asks while buttoning up his shirt.
“I-I’m sorry.” I stumble over the words and almost over my feet as I pull up my yoga pants. “I mean. We don’t need to get my stuff. I still live in the dorms, so that’s where my stuff should be. You know?”
Cage raises an eyebrow at me. “Why would you move back to the dorms? Don’t you like it here?”
“Yes, I love it here and being with you. I just didn’t want to impose. This was only supposed to be temporary.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I want you here. Matter of fact, I probably wouldn’t let you leave even if you tried.”
“That’s called kidnapping, and it’s against the law.” I grin.
“But is it really kidnapping if the person you’re keeping locked up wants to be locked up?” The smile he