I slap my palms on my cheeks to hide the flush and turn away. “Oh my God, you saw?”
She bursts out in delighted laughter. “Not that I blame you. He was hot. God, I haven’t seen a man like that in person since in a long time.”
“Do you think everyone knew?” I ask, mortified at the thought.
“You were very subtle, but we were roommates in college and…sometimes when you were with Charlie, I’d watch. I know your O’ face,” she says with a sly, but embarrassed smile.
“No, you didn’t,” I gasp and lean away from her, but I’m not upset. In fact, there’s something…intriguing and hot about being watched. But I could never admit that to her.
Marcel is the only man I’ve been with in ten years and sex was never anything to write home about. He’s conservative and anything beyond missionary was sinful. He made me feel dirty the first time I asked him to eat me out. So, my sense of shame about the things I desire is too ingrained for me to share it even with my best friend.
“I’m married.” I remind her and hold up my wedding ring adorned hand, as if she’s the one who needs reminding.
She pushes my hand down and eyes with a probing expression. “I know what the paper you signed says. What does your heart say? There's a difference.”
I forgot how insightful and direct Matty could be. It’s what made her a crack interviewer. She’s good at reading people and she’s got great instincts that she always listens to.
I’ve kept my own council when it comes to our marriage. Tyson only knows the true state of things because he was visiting us when everything fell apart.
Matty and I may butt heads, but I trust her with my life. After the way I left things with Marcel, I would kill for someone to talk to.
Someone removed from my life and someone who doesn’t think the sun shines out of Marcel’s ass.
I look down at my hands. I’ve never taken my ring off. But I do tonight. What’s next, I don’t know. But I need to figure it out.
I sit up and clap my hands together. “For this, we need a drink.”
“Well? Spill it.” Matty prods when our server walks away.
I can’t look her in the eye, so I keep my gaze trained on the drink in my hand. “We haven’t had sex in five years. Not since I discovered Marcel’s affair. It wasn’t his first, but it was the first one he was careless enough for me to find out about. She’s pregnant.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes.” I turn to meet her gaze. What I’m about to say isn’t the kind of thing you confess without the courtesy of eye contact.
“She’s eighteen. And our nanny. I hired her last summer, and she ended up staying when school started. The kids love her. And so does my husband, apparently.”
Her eyes bug out. “He’s leaving you for her?”
I laugh humorlessly. “Oh no. Marcel wouldn’t leave me. His pride will never let him admit that he failed at anything. He won’t even acknowledge they had an affair.”
She frowns in confusion. “But…then, how do you know she’s pregnant?”
“She told me. After I caught them together, I fired her. I asked her to pack and leave and then I took the kids to the beach so they wouldn’t see her leave. She came down an hour after us and sat down next to me and told me that she was pregnant. She said he asked her to get rid of it, but she wants to keep it.”
“How do you know it’s his?” Her question is one I know I’ll get a lot, but it irritates me.
“I don’t. But why would she say it was?” I ask and wish I cared more.
“Because he’s a billionaire and she’s trying to get paid,” she returns easily.
“Not everyone does everything for money, Matty.”
She purses her lips and glances away, “Time will tell. What did you say? Did you slap her?”
“No. She’s a kid. I said I’d help her whatever she decided.”
She snorts a surprised laugh. “You seem awfully sanguine about all of this. Has he gotten someone pregnant before?”
“No, of course not,” I say right away and then slump in my seat. “At least… I don’t think so. I mean…I don’t know. He’s had other entanglements.” I admit.
“So, he’s a serial philanderer.” In typical Matty fashion, she gets right to the heart of it.