Jameson (In the Company of Snipers #22) - Irish Winters Page 0,95
busy days. Thankfully, the press hadn’t cornered her yet. She hoped they never did. Her life story was dull compared to Jameson Tenney’s.
Because, right on schedule, as usual, Maddie doubted herself again. She’d made a huge mistake going alone to Boston, but she’d done it with the purest intentions. Only, she hadn’t. Not entirely, had she? She’d done it to save Jameson, but she’d also gone rogue, as Jameson had accused her of doing, mostly to prove her dad wrong.
Good grief, there seemed no way to close that long chapter in her life and move on without dragging her dad’s abuse behind her every step of the way. Everywhere she went, there he was. The moment she’d thought she’d finally left him behind, she devolved back into the weakling she’d been under his thumb. With every tentative step she’d taken on that dock, her dad had been in her head, criticizing, name-calling, and berating.
It had to end. She just didn’t know how to exorcise the vicious voice in her head that had always put her down. Why did people do that? Demean their children and call them names they’d remember for the rest of their lives? It was so hurtful.
“Hey, you,” Jameson purred as he squeezed her fingers. “You’re thinking too hard. I can tell.”
She swallowed, then admitted, “I’m not cut out to be an agent.”
“Yes, you are.” He winced as he pulled himself up higher on the already tilted bed. “You’re brave and you’re honest. You care about people and you’re willing to learn.”
He made it sound simple.
Maddie adjusted his pillow so he’d be more comfortable. He was a handsome disheveled mess with his dark hair mussed, and a full day’s worth of scruff shadowing his chin and jaw and down his neck. He’d lost his glasses during the showdown on the docks, and the day would never come that he’d be able to gaze longingly into her eyes, like romance heroes did with their damsels in distress. Their Cinderellas or their Sleeping Beauties. Their princesses.
Yet Jameson had always looked straight into her since they’d met. And he called her babe. Maybe that didn’t count to all the overconfident business women in the world. Maybe they took it as an insult. But to Maddie, the way Jameson said babe was a one-eighty change from the names she’d heard all her life. When he cocked his head, she knew he was truly listening, not just waiting for her to shut up so he could talk, or talking over her. He got her just the way she was. Kind of broken, but trying so gosh darned hard to be the strong woman she wanted to be. She knew he cared. That he truly loved her. Crazy man wanted to marry her after knowing her for just one day. Who did that?
Apparently, former Navy SEALs.
“I went rogue,” she reminded him. “I split when I should’ve stayed. I make trouble wherever I go.”
“Bullshit!” Alex snapped as he flung the cubicle curtain aside and stalked to the foot of the bed. “Heard you've always wanted to be a Marine, Junior Agent.”
She nearly snapped to attention. Junior Agent? “Yes, I did. I mean, I do. But I’m not a—”
“Junior Agent? Yes, you are. I can’t recruit you into the Corps, but I can give you the next best thing. My TEAM. My rules.”
Her head bobbed so hard, her back teeth were grinding.
“Is that a yes?”
“Y-y-yes,” she answered accordingly. But her throat was dry. She squeaked instead of sounding confident. And she’d done it again. She’d said what she’d thought Alex wanted to hear. Not anymore. “I mean, err, n-n-no.”
He was right. Her dad had been cruel and heartless. But Jameson was always on her side, and she could do this. She could stand up for herself. It was time.
With a deep breath, Maddie smiled, then laughed as she embraced the darnedest feeling of being free at last. She grabbed Alex’s hand and told him, “Thanks, Boss, but I don’t want to be a junior agent. I don’t have nerves of steel, and I don’t want to ever smell tear gas again or get shot at or have to kill anyone. I’d rather just be your Protocol Officer and take care of you. That all by itself sounds pretentious enough, me being any kind of officer. I’ve never served my country like you guys have, but I like working with you and for you. I like