“I meant it,” he said, and his voice was low and dangerous and firm.
“I know,” I said as I set my wine aside. Then I tugged my legs off his lap and shifted on the couch so that I was on my knees in front of him. I took his wine and set it on the coffee table. “In case it escaped your notice, I liked it, too.”
“Vanilla,” he said. “Tonight was watery vanilla.”
“And you think I can’t handle mocha almond fudge?”
“I’m not joking, Kat.”
“Do you think I am? Dammit, Cole, I liked what we did. It made me wet when you spanked me, and when you tied my arms back . . .” I drew in a breath, shocked to realize that just talking about it made me aroused all over again. “Don’t you see? Being helpless to you—it turned me on. It was new and it was incredible. It was like you showed me some wonderful secret about myself.”
I tossed back the last of my wine. “So if you think I’m going to walk out of here and not look back, you’re wrong. Instead, I’m going to beg you for more.”
“It’s the more that scares me,” he said, and I think it was the only time I had ever seen hard, honest fear in those eyes.
I shook my head, not understanding.
“Christ, Kat, don’t you get it? I’m not afraid you’re going to want to walk. I’m afraid I’ll take it too far. Do you have any idea how hard I have to work to keep my grip? How easy it is for me to just lose it?”
I thought about the glass I’d heard shattering at the gala and about all the stories I’d heard about Cole’s famous temper.
And then I thought of the tender way he’d touched me and brushed away my tears. The softness in his voice.
“You won’t,” I said.
“You don’t know me that well.”
I do, I thought. But what I said was, “Maybe not. But I want to. And I know what I’ve seen so far.”
I searched for some reaction on his face. Pleasure. Relief. Anger. Right then I really didn’t care. But there was nothing. It remained passively blank.
He stood. “I’m going to take a shower.”
“Dammit, Cole.” I got to my feet as well. “I’m not afraid,” I said as he started to leave the room. “I’m not, dammit, but if you are then don’t touch me. Just call me.”
I’m not sure where the inspiration for those words came from, but they worked. He paused in the doorway.
“Call you?”
“You kept backing off and backing off. Pushing me away. But then on the phone, when you called, you didn’t hesitate. Not at all. Not really.”
I remembered the strength in his voice. The certainty. “That’s it, isn’t it?” I asked, my voice gentle. “It was easy to call me because there was no risk. No reason to be afraid of hurting me because I wasn’t there.”
I could understand that. Hadn’t it been easier for me, too? I had no problems getting myself off, but with Cole hadn’t I actually come under a man’s touch—albeit an imaginary one—for the first time since, well, since forever?
He’d opened a door for me, and dammit, I wanted to do the same for him.
He said nothing, but I saw him draw in a breath, then close his eyes for a moment too long.
I took a step toward him. “But I was there,” I whispered. “I felt every touch, every sensation. You were right beside me, Cole, and everything was fine. Hell, it was more than fine. It was incredible.”
I waited for him to say something, and when he didn’t, I pressed on, determined to make him understand. “You want to spank me? To tie me up? Do you want to use a whip on me or, I don’t know, something else entirely?” I finished lamely, because I really didn’t know what the something else could be. “Then call me. Tell me. Describe it to me. Every lash, every mark. Lose yourself in it, Cole. Take me, hurt me. Don’t you see? I’m giving myself to you—wholly and completely. You can have me any way you want me.”
I pressed my palm to his bare chest and felt the pounding of his heart, so hard, so fast. “Start like this, and then you’ll see. And maybe then you can take me the rest of the way. Because I want to go with you, Cole. I really, really do.”
I tried to read his answer on his face, but his expression was shuttered and he closed his eyes. Desire and hope warred inside of me, and I wanted to drop down onto my knees and beg him.
Instead, I simply waited. One moment, then a moment longer.