time, but I was so nervous and awkward. I’m surprised he was even turned on enough to finish. I’m so glad he did, though. At least I can say I made him come. Or maybe he made himself come. I didn’t do much but lie there and moan.
I would like to try sex again. Maybe next time I won’t be so weird, and surely it can’t hurt as bad the second time as it does the first. I thought my hymen was going to kill me. Literally. And I got blood everywhere. It was so embarrassing to ask for peroxide to clean the blood off the sofa, but the stain is gone. I turned the cushion over to hide the wet spot.
I think Dare might have figured out that I was a virgin.
And all the guys know I had sex with Logan after knowing him only an hour, so I can imagine what they think of me.
For the first time in my life I’m labeled a slut.
Why am I okay with that?
I guess what’s done is done. I wouldn’t take any of it back.
Except the part where I wasn’t any good at it. Maybe I should take lessons. Haha!
I think I ruined any chance I had with Logan. I really do like him. So maybe we can be friends.
Did I really just write that?
To be honest, I don’t want to be just friends. I’d much rather be his lover.
Every guy I’ve ever liked has only wanted to be friends and nothing more. Why can’t I have more? Is that too much to ask?
How do I get him to like me? Maybe I should go against my promises to Dad and dress less appropriately.
I dunno.
None of this nonsense I’m writing here will make it into the book, of course. Can you imagine? If my mother read it, she’d have a coronary. She’s probably having a coronary right now because I didn’t call to let her know I made it to the bus. I’m too emotional to deal with Mom tonight. Maybe I’ll call her tomorrow.
I did check my phone for messages and found Susan had already texted me. She asked if I was ready to come home. I didn’t bother responding. I guess I understand why she doesn’t like me—she really wanted this job—but her reasons don’t make her stinging words any easier to take. Julian also texted—fifteen messages—starting with are you still a virgin followed by how about now over and over again. So I texted back no. To which he replied I don’t believe you. What a jackass!
Oh, I almost forgot. I saw Reagan Elliot, but didn’t actually get to meet her. She seemed more interested in hanging out on Sinners’ tour bus. I thought it was a little strange that she took one of the security guards with her. And based on something Dare said, it sounded as if she was intimate with him. And with Trey Mills. I guess she’s cheating on Trey. I can’t imagine why she would do that. Have you seen Trey Mills? If he were mine, I sure wouldn’t cheat on him. But maybe I’m wrong. I’ll be sure to listen for clues if I get to spend any time around her tomorrow.
Now that I’m back here by myself and not distracted by all those virile males, I do miss Birdie. If I were home, I’d be reading her a book right about now. I hope Mom is taking good care of her. I’m sure she’s fine.
I’d better try to sleep now since tomorrow will be a busy day. I can’t wait to get more stuff for the book! That’s what I need to concentrate on. Not my attraction to Logan. Or being terrible at sex. Or anything else. I’m here to do a job and I plan to do it well.
Goodnight, Journal. I’m glad you’re here to listen to my silly problems.
Signed,
No-longer-a-virgin,
Toni
Five
Toni’s eyes shot open. Something had touched her hair. She could make out unfamiliar shadows in her dimly lit surroundings, but this was not her bedroom. Where was she?
A figure lurked over her, sitting in the space above the top of her head. Toni’s entire body tensed. Too terrified to move, she held her breath and squeezed her eyes shut.
“I’m sorry,” Logan’s deep voice said from nearby. His hand caressed her cheek.
Trembling, Toni let out a breath of relief. It was only Logan, and she now realized she was sleeping on the sectional in the back lounge of Exodus End’s tour