all about? Who is this demon? And why couldn’t you kill him?”
I wasn’t looking forward to telling my mate about the guy I had loved before him. I certainly didn’t want to hear about the demons he’d been intimate with. Just the fleeting thought filled me with jealousy. As I took a seat on the couch, curling my legs underneath me, Ashor watched me with puzzlement. No doubt he was trying to make sense of my scattered emotions. “When I knew Colin, he wasn’t a demon. He was a human boy.”
Ashor came to sit beside me, the cushion sinking with his added weight. “How did he die?”
“It was the night Angel killed Alastair, during the fight. I-I couldn’t save him,” I fumbled, taken back to the time and place and all those feelings of hopelessness. How ironic. They were a mirror of what I was feeling now, faced with having to kill him. What was I going to do?
A phantom breeze blew through the room, sending the hanging fabrics fluttering. “Angel defeated the King of Inferno, taking his crown. A lot was lost that night,” he said, his own thoughts turning to how Alastair’s death had affected the underworld.
“You have no idea,” I muttered, tears stinging at my eyes, but I refused to cry. I thought I had dealt with Colin’s death by seeking retribution against the demons responsible, but seeing him as a demon dredged up some of those old feelings of guilt and remorse. I’d blamed myself for so many years. Truthfully, I still blamed myself. “It was my fault he was killed. He never should have been there, and I live with his death on my hands every single day.”
“You loved him,” Ashor stated, a roughness catching in his voice.
I nodded, twining my fingers together. “I did. He was the first human boy who didn’t treat me like a pariah, who wasn’t ashamed or afraid of what I am.”
“Why would Verena change him?” he mused, trying to piece together the madness of a demon queen.
Shaking my head, I rubbed at my eyes, clearing the tears. “I don’t know. To fuck with me, obviously.”
He reached for me, pulling me into his arms. “I’m sorry. What she asked of you… it was immoral. No one should have to make the choices we’re forced to make in this world.”
“I never thought for a second that Colin would go to Hell. He was good.” At least I believed he was good. What had he done to earn him a place in the underworld? Was it because of me?
Ashor’s hand settled at my waist, keeping me close to him as he offered me his strength and support. “I know what you are thinking, and you can’t blame yourself. Sometimes, no matter how pure a soul is, it can still end up here. Demons are known to pluck a soul right out of divine judgement. It only takes one tiny blemish on a person to attract a demon, especially a mortal who hangs out with demons.”
He was attempting to ease my guilt, offer me comfort, but it wasn’t working. “So it is my fault.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. Knowing what you are didn’t make him any more susceptible than the person who bagged your groceries. Every mortal in some shape or form has interacted with a demon, had ill thoughts, or broken the law. It’s what makes them human.”
I dropped my head into my hands and groaned. “What am I supposed to do?”
“It’s not for me to decide. This is something you have to live with. The choice needs to be yours, but know this, nothing you can do will save him. He is not the boy you used to care about. Not anymore. He was gone the second Verena turned him.”
I sighed, lifting my face. “And I assume there is no way for me to restore his human soul?”
An unspoken apology reflected in his expression. “It’s not impossible, but rarely ever successful,” he added, stomping out that flicker of hope. “And if the restoration of his soul does work, it doesn’t take away the memories of the things they’ve done as a demon. It often damages a soul to the point beyond repair. He would still reside in the Court of Envy. That would never change.”
Those were all things I didn’t want to hear, but I had to face the truth. Colin was gone. He had been from the moment he took his last breath. It was times like this I