If- Nina G. Jones Page 0,53

told him I forgave him. Then I begged him to sleep. Not to lie in bed and wait for me to fall asleep so he could pace or sneak to the roof. I wanted him to close his eyes and sleep. And he did.

He slept right through me making breakfast and getting ready for work. It was kind of cute. I hadn’t seen him that peaceful since the first night he slept over. I was relieved. He just needed the rest and then he had to pace himself.

But when I came back, Ash was gone. Some absence weighs heavier than others. The apartment felt hollow. If it wasn’t for the easel, and our unfinished tree painting clipped to it, it was almost like he never existed. And yet the one piece of evidence of his existence, the easel, was a bad sign. If he didn’t take it with him, he probably wasn’t working on his project.

I told myself I was being paranoid and called him to clear the feeling. Ash always answered. But this time he didn’t. He wasn’t on the roof. He wasn’t in his spot in the alley. He had vanished. I stayed up that night, calling him a few more times to no avail. The calls were now going straight to voicemail.

On day two of his absence, I found his charger. It confused me more. Did that mean he was planning to come right back or that he just didn’t care about charging his phone? Was he hurt? Was he angry? The unknown was gnawing at me, and now I was the one with the sleepless nights.

I thought about calling the police, or hospitals, but something told me his disappearance was intentional. It hurt like hell. I felt like he left because we had a little spat. It was the only thing I could think of.

Ash reappeared at the end of day three. Jordan and I were walking home together, and as if the past few months hadn’t even happened, there he was, in his spot, looking down. He was the quiet guy again, wanting to be forgotten.

“Ash? Ash?” I called out, running to him. He looked sick, and he had dirt stains on his face. I’d never seen him like this, even when I didn’t know him. It looked like he had been through a war.

Jordan stood beside me as I crouched in front of Ash. “Hey,” he said, halfheartedly. “You look beautiful.”

“What—what are you doing out here? Where have you been?” I asked, beginning to raise my voice. I was concerned but angry at him.

“I’m sick.”

“You’re sick? Why didn’t you just come to me, then?”

“I didn’t want to be a burden,” he said.

“A burden? Ash, you are not a burden, dammit!” I snapped. But he looked incredibly ill, so I took a deep breath so as not to lash out any further. Jordan looked confused, too. I was too embarrassed to tell him Ash had gone missing, instead saying he was with his brother. It could have been true.

“We should get you to a doctor,” I said.

“No . . . no doctors.”

“Okay, well let’s get you back, you need a shower, and a bed, and some soup.”

Jordan and I helped him to his feet. Jordan shot me a confused look, and I only mouthed “thank you” back.

When we got back to my place, I made Ash a bath. When he took off his clothes I was shocked to see scrapes and bruises along his body.

“What happened?”

“I walked back from my brother’s. It’s a helluva journey,” Ash muttered.

“What? That’s like—really far!”

“Yeah, I had a fight with some bushes and a fence,” he said, grimacing as he lowered himself into the steamy water.

I sat on the edge of the tub as he leaned his head back, closed his eyes, and sighed.

“How could you do that?”

He opened his eyes and peered over at me.

“How could you just leave like you did? You didn’t call, you didn’t think I might be worried? I was worried sick!” I scolded.

“Bird, I’ve been taking care of myself for a while now. I didn’t want you to worry about me. I’m sick and I know you have a big heart and you’d want to take of me.”

“You thought I’d worry, so you disappeared? Awesome logic,” I snapped. “You just vanished. That is not okay, Ash.”

He winced and kneaded his forehead with one of his hands. “I thought it was better.”

“You have people who care about you, places to go. What about your brother?”

“I’m