If I Tell - By Janet Gurtler Page 0,14

I was bored with Grandma’s nonstop chatter about the new baby. Bored with Lacey talking about herself. Bored with Ashley training for swim meets with no time for me outside school.

Lacey’s eyebrows arched. “You sure everything’s okay?”

“Fine. I just want to have some fun for once. Is that so wrong?”

“Can’t blame a girl for wanting to have fun,” Nathan said.

Lacey twirled hair around her finger. “That was your mom on the phone earlier? How’s she doing? With Simon and the baby and stuff.”

“Who cares?” I didn’t meet her eyes. I didn’t want to talk about them. Especially not with her.

Nathan grinned. “Marnie’s having a bash tonight. We can go there to party.”

I pushed back on my chair and jumped to my feet. “Good. Will you buy me some beer?” I pulled a crumpled twenty from the front pocket of my jeans.

Nathan grabbed the money. “I’ll buy two cases if that’s what you want.” He untangled himself from his chair and slung an arm across my shoulder.

“Nathan, she’s just a kid,” Lacey said.

“Thanks, Nathan.” I didn’t squirm away from him like I normally did. I glared at Lacey. “I already have a mother, you know. In fact, I have two.”

“I’m just sayin’.” Lacey held up her hands. “Whatever. It’s your hangover.”

“Like you said, she’s young. Hangovers don’t last. Come on.” Nathan led me toward the exit.

I glanced back at Jackson. The blond he’d been smiling at had vanished, but he was talking to someone else. I put a little wiggle in my walk. As if I knew what sexy even looked like.

***

“Whoa. Slow down a little.” Lacey chugged the remains of a beer and squished up beside me on an old brown corduroy couch in Marnie’s living room. I leaned over to the cooler in front of us and grabbed another bottle, twisting off the cap and pitching it on the carpet like a normal irresponsible party person. I felt pleasantly dizzy.

I giggled, an unnatural noise. Even my stomach loosened, like I’d relaxed a fist inside. More likely, I’d drowned it. Why hadn’t I done this before? Drinking made the party much more interesting. For once I’d become one of the fuzzy, happy ones.

Usually I hung back and observed the older kids crammed into Marnie’s small house. Stoners hung in the kitchen and drinkers in the living room, while couples hooked up upstairs. When Ashley was there, she’d hang out with me and we’d talk about music or I’d play guitar, but for some reason she wasn’t at this party. Just as well.

“Hey, good looking.” Nathan slid onto the couch, pressing his leg suggestively up against mine. He always did that to tease me and I always moved away, but this time I left my leg where it was, feeling the warmth. The connection.

He put his hand on my knee and squeezed. I reached over and squeezed his knee back, giggling.

“Whoa. You are getting hammered,” he said.

“Got a problem with that?” I swallowed back a hiccup and grinned.

He slid an arm over my shoulder. “Not even a little if it makes you this friendly.”

I leaned against him. Drunk, I relaxed as his fingers massaged my shoulders, working out knots.

A song blared over the speakers in the living room. I couldn’t name it if I’d tried, but I was feeling it. Lacey jumped up from beside me and grabbed the hand of some guy standing with his buddy near the couch.

“Dance with me,” she demanded and pouted her lips in her practiced sexy way. She wiggled in front of him, shaking her money-makers.

The guy’s friend punched him on the shoulder in a congratulatory salute as he pulled Lacey to the makeshift dance floor in the middle of the tiny living room. The two of them immediately started grinding.

Nathan rubbed my neck to the beat of the song and we watched Lacey.

“He is so getting lucky tonight.” I leaned against Nathan. “Lacey is such a sure thing.”

He laughed his agreement.

I closed one eye to focus on them as they moved to the beat of the song blasting on the stereo. I wondered what it was like. What sex was like.

“I don’t blame her this time. That boy is seriously hot,” I slurred.

Nathan stopped massaging my neck and leaned toward my ear. “You’re not interested in guys like that.”

I studied the guy dancing with Lacey. Tight T-shirt. Low riding jeans. Boots. Long blond hair and stocky build. The polar opposite of Simon, thank God.

“No. Tonight I think I am.” I hiccuped and giggled, finding