I Pucking Love You (The Copper Valley Thrusters #5) - Pippa Grant Page 0,87

a heart attack. I had to put a book over my boner. Talk to me about the umbrella. Why do you have an umbrella in your new client kit?

Muffy: It’s the most phallic-shaped thing I could think of. I wanted to put in dildos but that seemed too far, even for me.

Tyler: Fuck me, you do NOT want to know the things I’m thinking right now…

Muffy: *chest selfie* Question: is this called a chelfie? Or a brelfie?

Tyler: Take the shirt off and snap another chelfie. The plane might be going down. I need to die with the image of your breasts as the last thing I see.

Muffy: Is the plane really going down?

Tyler: If I say yes, do I get a full nude?

Muffy: You, Tyler Jaeger, are a hornball.

Tyler: Only around you.

Muffy: *naked chelfie*

Tyler: God, I love your tits. You have the most gorgeous nipples.

Muffy: You remember last week, you walked into Cod Pieces and looked down your own pants?

Tyler: Yes.

Muffy: I would very much like to look down your pants right now. But I don’t think I’d stop at looking. I’d want to touch you too. And stroke you. And then lick you. And suck on you.

Tyler: *gif of a man sweating profusely*

Muffy: *gif of a woman biting into a strawberry and closing her eyes in ecstasy*

Tyler: Strawberries. Fridge.

Muffy: *selfie of her biting into a strawberry with her bare breasts showing*

Tyler: Fuck. We’re landing in twenty. I’ll call you. If I survive that long. Gotta go before I come in my pants. *kissy emoji*

35

Muffy

It’s Saturday morning, and Tyler’s due home from his road trip any minute.

So where am I?

Back at the café next to the stuffed animal store, having a morning Muff Matchers client support group meeting.

And my mother has joined us.

“I always put out on the first date,” she’s telling Brianna. “That way, you know if he’s worth having another date with. Go big or go home.”

“And that works for you,” I point out, “but everyone is entitled to do what they are comfortable with.”

“Women shouldn’t be ashamed of liking sex,” she argues.

“No one’s saying we should.” Maren shoots a look at me that feels like a sympathetic hug, then turns back to Mom. “But, Hilda, there’s a difference between not being ashamed of wanting sex, and not wanting to have sex the first time you meet someone. Some people are comfortable with one-night stands, and some people want to get to know their potential partner better before getting naked. Neither’s wrong.”

“I want to have sex with Steve,” Brianna tells us. Mom’s eyeballing the amount of cream cheese Brianna’s slathering on her bagel, and I’m trying to not let my own eyeball twitch.

No one else notices. I’m oversensitive to it.

And that’s okay too. I know why. I’m working on only changing and worrying about the things I can actually control.

I can’t control my mother.

“Did you tell him that?” Julie asks Brianna.

She sniffs her bagel, smiles at it, and chomps down. “Not yet. He needs to earn me.”

“High five, sister.” Eugenie slaps palms with Brianna. “Way to identify what you want.”

“How’s school?” I ask Brianna.

She beams. “Good. I joined that study group with your friend D’Angelo, and I’ve never had more friends in my entire life. We’re doing laser tag tomorrow.”

“Aw, that’s fantastic!”

And it’s almost nine. I know Tyler’s flight home from Seattle was supposed to land about an hour ago. He should be nearly back at his condo by now, if he’s not already there.

He had the best game last night after a solid game two nights ago too. Rewarding him with all-day naked time is the only thing on my calendar until Monday. He’s earned it.

Even if he hadn’t played well, it’s still what I’d want to do.

I really hate my new rule about putting my phone on do not disturb during support group meetings.

We move on to asking Eugenie how her week was, then around the circle, me trying not to fidget and jumping in every time I’m afraid my mom will say something problematic or without thinking, Maren helping because she’s been doing this since she first asked me to help her find a boyfriend a year ago.

We’ve decided she’s incredibly picky and possibly not in a good headspace for a man, which is only hard since most of her core group of girlfriends—including Kami—are all settling down.

It’s weird to be left behind.

It’s even weirder to realize I’m in her core group and I’m one of the people who might be leaving her behind. Or