doing stuff like biting Becca and hanging around Kalona with your I-can't-miss-anything-I-aim-at bow strapped to your back and ready to shoot might have a little something to do with making them think you're not such a nice guy anymore," I said.
"Do you always say exactly what you're thinking?"
"Well, no, but I try to be honest. Look, I'm really tired, and I just had an awful dream. The stuff that's happening around here is not good. I&rsquoT CF tyou;m confused about a bunch of things. And you came to me. I didn't call you up and say, `Hey, Stark, why don't you sneak into my room?' So I'm really not in the mood to play games."
"I didn't sneak," he said.
"I don't think that part is what's really important," I said.
"I came here because you make me feel," he blurted all in one big breath.
"I make you feel what?"
"Just feel." He rubbed a hand across his brow like he might have a headache. "Since I died and then came back, it's like part of me stayed dead. I haven't been able to feel anything. Or at least not anything good." He was talking in short, clipped sentences, as if what he was saying was hard for him to get out. "Okay, yeah, I have urges. Especially when I haven't had any blood recently. But that's not really feeling. It's just a reaction. You know--eat, sleep, live, die. It's automatic." He grimaced and looked away from me. "It's automatic for me to take what I want. Like from that girl."
"Becca." My voice was cold. "Her name is Becca."
"Okay, so her name is Becca."
His expression had hardened. He didn't look scary and red-eyed, but he did look like a complete jerk, and I was just tired enough for that to really piss me off.
"You attacked her. You forced yourself on her. Look, it's pretty simple. If you don't want people to say bad things about you, then you need to stop doing bad things," I said.
His eyes flashed and I saw a red light in their depths. "She would have liked it. If you and the warrior had come along five minutes later, you would have seen her all over me."
"Are you kidding me? You actually think mind control is foreplay?"
"Was she upset when you saw her inside? Or was she talking about how hot I am and how much she wanted me?" Stark hurled the questions at me.
"And you think that makes what you did okay? You messed with her mind to get her to want to be with you. By any definition that's a violation, and it's wrong."
"You kissed me right after that, and I didn't have to mess with your mind!"
"Yeah, well, I've been having some seriously questionable taste in guys lately. But I can promise you that right now I have absolutely no desire to hurl myself into your arms."
He stood abruptly, shoving away from my bed. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing here. I am what I am, and nothing can change that." Totally pissed, he started striding toward the door.
"You can change that."
I said the words softly, but they seemed to shimmer in the air between us and wrap around Stark, pulling him to a stop. He just stood there for a while, fists clenched at his side, head slightly bowed as if he was fighting with himself. With his back still to me he said, &ldqolation,ely. But I I uo;See, that's what I mean. When you say things like that to me, you make me feel again."
"Maybe that's because I'm the only person who's telling you the truth right now." As I spoke, I got one of my gut-deep feelings that let me know I was saying the words Nyx would have me speak. I drew a long breath and tried to center myself, and even though I was tired and hurt and confused about many things, I followed the thread that had been unraveled before me and tried to sew together the shredded cloth of Stark's humanity. "I don't think you're a monster, but I also don't think you're just a nice guy. I see what you are, and I believe in what you could choose to be. Stark, don't you understand? Kalona and Neferet are keeping you like this because they're using you. If you don't want to turn into a creature of their creation, then you're going to have to choose a different way and fight against them, and against the darkness