The Hundred Thousand Kingdoms - By N. K. Jemisin Page 0,61
customary. I did not, to my own surprise, contemplate using it to kill him. Much as I hated him, his blood was not what I wanted.
Well, he said from his throne. His voice sounded softer than before, though that may have been a trick of perception on my part. Have you enjoyed your week as an Arameri, Granddaughter?
Had it been only a week?
No, Grandfather, I said. I have not.
He uttered a single laugh. But now, perhaps, you understand us better. What do you think?
This I had not expected. I looked at him from where I knelt, and wondered what he was up to.
I think, I said slowly, the same thing that I thought before I came here: that the Arameri are evil. All that has changed is that now I believe most of you are mad as well.
He grinned, wide and partially toothless. Kinneth said much the same thing to me once. She included herself, however.
I resisted the immediate urge to deny this. Maybe thats why she left. Maybe, if I stay long enough, Ill become as evil and mad as the rest of you.
Maybe. There was a curious gentleness in the way he said this that threw me. I could never read his face. Too many lines.
Silence rose between us for the next several breaths. It plateaued; stalled; broke.
Tell me why you killed my mother, I said.
His smile faded. I am not one of the Enefadeh, Granddaughter. You cannot command answers from me.
Heat washed through me, followed by cold. I rose slowly to my feet. You loved her. If you had hated her, feared her, that I could have understood. But you loved her.
He nodded. I loved her.
She was crying when she died. We had to wet her eyelids to get them open
You will be silent.
In the empty chamber, his voice echoed. The edge of it sawed against my temper like a dull knife.
And you love her still, you hateful old bastard. I stepped forward, leaving my knife on the floor. I did not trust myself with it anymore. I moved toward my grandfathers highbacked not-throne, and he drew himself up, perhaps in anger, perhaps in fear. You love her and mourn her; its your own fault and you mourn her, and you want her back. Dont you? But if Itempas is listening, if he cares at all about order and righteousness or any of the things the priests say, then I pray to him now that you keep loving her. That way youll feel her loss the way I do. Youll feel that agony until you die, and I pray thats a long, long time from now!
By this point I stood before Dekarta, bent down, my hands on the armrests of his chair. I was close enough to see the color of his eyes at lasta blue so pale that it was barely a color at all. He was a small, frail man now, whatever hed been in his prime. If I blew hard, I might break his bones.
But I did not touch him. Dekarta did not deserve mere physical pain any more than he deserved a swift death.
Such hate, he whispered. Then, to my shock, he smiled. It looked like a death rictus. Perhaps you are more like her than I thought.
I stood up straight and told myself that I was not drawing back.
Very well, said Dekarta, as if wed just exchanged pleasant small talk. We should get down to business, Granddaughter. In seven days time, on the night of the fourteenth, there will be a ball here in Sky. It will be in your honor, to celebrate your elevation to heir, and some of the most noteworthy citizens of the world will join us as guests. Is there anyone in particular youd like invited?
I stared at him and heard an entirely different conversation. In seven days the most noteworthy citizens in the world will gather to watch you die. Every mote of intuition in my body understood: the succession ceremony.
His question hovered unanswered in the air between us.
No, I said softly. No one.
Dekarta inclined his head. Then you are dismissed, Granddaughter.
I stared at him for a long moment. I might never again have the chance to speak with him like this, in private. He had not told me why hed killed my mother, but there were other secrets that he might be willing to divulge. He might even know the secret of how I might save myself.