Hummingbird Lake Page 0,98
of heart-sore sobs that lasted a good five minutes. Finally, it filtered through her head that Snowdrop hadn’t found her way here all by herself. She opened her eyes expecting to see Celeste or Nic or maybe even Sarah. “Rose?”
Her sister sat at the bottom corner of the bed. “What’s the matter, Goober?”
Her use of the old childhood nickname registered. In that moment, Sage was just weak enough—or perhaps strong enough—to reach out to her sister. “Something horrible happened in Africa, Rose. Something so horrific that it haunts me still. I can’t be around children and blood. I just can’t.”
Then she told her about the bus accident, Colt’s request, and her refusal. “I am pathetic, Rose. Just pathetic. No wonder you hate me.”
“I don’t hate you, Sage,” Rose insisted. “I miss you.”
Sage looked up at her, tears flowing, and Rose reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind Sage’s ear. “I think we got crossways when Dad died and we were both too wounded to be able to straighten the situation out. After that, well, we’ve always been hardheaded. We dug in with our positions and neither one of us was willing to give.”
“You tried. You came to Eternity Springs. You’re here.”
“Five years after the fact.” Tears pooled in her sister’s eyes as she added, “I’m ashamed it took me this long to be ready to listen.”
Sage bowed her head. “I don’t think I’m ready to talk. Even after five years. I’m broken, Rose. Tonight proves it. I let Colt down. He’s so wonderful, such a good man. I love him and I let him down.”
“Oh, honey. The only thing tonight proves is that the mental health canyon you fell into is deeper than any of us realized. It’s going to take longer than we’d like for you to climb your way out of it, but I know you, Sage Anderson. You’re not a quitter. If Colt loves you as much as he claims, then he’ll find some patience.”
Sage swallowed the lump of emotion in her throat. “I let him down tonight.”
“He asked too much of you tonight.”
“He doesn’t know that. I’ve told him some of what happened, but not the worst of it.”
“Could you tell me?”
She closed her eyes, swallowed the lump in her throat, and shook her head. “I can’t. I’ve tried to talk about it. I did one time, I told one person, and it was horrible. It only made things worse.”
“You told a therapist?”
“No.” Sage met her sister’s gaze with a pleading stare. “I told Dad.”
Rose sat back, and Sage could see her mental wheels turning. Long seconds ticked by before she asked, “Can you tell me about that?”
“He lashed out at me, Rose. He said some things that haunt me to this day.” With this, tears began to flow freely again. “He told me to quit crying about it and to put it behind me and soldier on. He told me not to be a coward. That was our final conversation. He was ashamed of me, Rose. He was my hero and I let him down and now I’ve let Colt down. I hate myself!”
Rose sat back. “So, that’s why you didn’t come to the hospital when I asked.”
“He wouldn’t have wanted me there.”
Rose dropped her head into her hands and groaned. “Oh, Goobs. Now it makes sense. I could never understand, but now it’s clear as the water in Angel Creek.”
“I’m sorry I let you down, too, Rose.”
Rose reached for her sister and gave her a fierce hug. “Right back at you. I wasn’t there when you needed me, and that kills me. But listen. I’m here now, and I want to say a couple of things. And you need to hear them. First, about Dad. This thing you can’t talk about. You were traumatized in some manner, weren’t you?”
Sage nodded, and Rose continued. “Do you remember that time I cut my finger while peeling potatoes with a kitchen knife?”
“You had to get eight stitches.”
“Yep. Do you remember what Dad did?”
Sage thought about it. “Yeah, I do. He took you to the ER.”
“That’s right. Because he couldn’t stitch me himself.”
“He was too busy yelling at you.”
“Oh, yes. My ears hurt as much as my hand. I don’t know if you’ll remember this, but he did try to treat me at home. He couldn’t hold his hands still. Do you know why?”
“Because you were careless?”
“No, because he was afraid. The big, bad Colonel was scared, and when he got scared, he attacked. That’s