to take a step back from Jason, and I have to do it now while I still can.
I’m on my way home from the hospital when he calls. I think about letting it go to voice mail, but after spending almost every minute of the last week with him, I at least owe him an explanation.
“Hi.”
“Hey. How was your day?”
“Good. You?”
“Busy. We saw fifty-two patients.”
“Wow. That is busy.”
“I’m starving. What do you feel like for dinner?”
“I, ah, did you talk to the new board chair in New York?”
“I did. I was going to tell you about it when I see you. Is everything okay?”
I pull into a parking lot in front of a coffee shop and a thrift store because I don’t trust myself to have this conversation while I’m driving.
“Carmen? Are you still there?”
“I’m here.”
“What’s wrong, Rizo?”
Hearing that nickname brings tears to my eyes that I try—unsuccessfully—to contain. “What did the new board chair say? Did you get your job back?”
“She offered me the opportunity to come back if I want to.”
That news strikes like a knife to my heart. I want to ask him if he still plans to meet with the Miami-Dade board, but why would he? He got back the job he really wanted in the first place. “That’s wonderful news, Jason. You must be thrilled.”
“A week ago, I would’ve been thrilled, but now . . .”
“You have a chance to get your career back on track. That’s what you said you want.”
“It was what I wanted. Before.”
“Before what?”
“Before you.”
My heart does a little happy dance at hearing that, but then reality smacks it down. “You cannot make major life decisions based on someone you’ve known for a week.”
“Why not?”
“Because! People don’t do that!”
“Some people do.”
“I don’t. I can’t. You can’t.”
“May I please see you so we can talk about this face-to-face?”
“I can’t do that, either.”
“Why?”
“Because if I see your face, I’ll forget about protecting myself in this situation, and that has to be my top priority. It just has to be, Jason.”
“So that’s it? We’re over, just like that?”
“I . . . I don’t know.”
“Do you think I’d just go back to New York and not at least ask if you’d like to come with me or figure out some way to make this work between us?”
“As much as I love being with you, and I really do, I’m not moving to New York. I just got my dream job. My whole life is here. I couldn’t do that to my parents or Tony’s parents or my grandmothers. I can’t move. I won’t move.”
Tears run down my face, and the pain in my chest reminds me far too much of how I felt after losing Tony. Not that this is anything like that. Jason is still alive and well, but his life is going to happen far away from mine. And that hurts. It hurts bad. As bad as anything has hurt in a very long time. “I have to go.”
“Please don’t go. Let’s talk about it.”
“There’s nothing left to talk about. My life is here. Yours is somewhere else. I had so much fun with you, but I have to stop this now before it leaves me in ruins.” I’ll probably be in ruins anyway, but he doesn’t need to know that.
“I never intended for that to happen.”
“I know.”
“Carmen—”
“I have to go now. I’ll hope for all good things for you, Jason. You deserve the best of everything.” I end the call before he hears me break down into heartbroken sobs. My body shakes with the force of my despair. I’m absolutely sure it’s the right thing to stop this now, because it’s not going to be any easier in a week.
But good God, it hurts now, too. It hurts so bad.
My phone rings, and my heart lurches with hope that it might be him calling me back. I tell my lurching heart to knock it off, wipe my face and take the call from my mother, who’ll keep calling until I answer. Such is life for the adult only child of a woman who suffered nine miscarriages. “Hey.”
“Hey, yourself. What’s wrong?” She probably got a readout on her ESP-o-meter that tells her whenever I’m in distress.
“Nothing is wrong. I said one word.”
“That’s all it takes for me to know something is wrong.”
I should’ve let the call go to voice mail and texted her. “I’m fine. What’s up with you?”
“Where are you?”
I look around, trying to figure out where exactly I am. “On the